Wheel Bite preview - Hammer time.

For a team with as many miles on the track as the Minnesota RollerGirls - a league that has brought so many road teams to the Roy...where else to go but international?  On Saturday the 21st of November, your hometown MNRG All-Stars take on the 'Eh! Team' of Hamilton, Ontario.  Hammer City invades Minnesota, folks...and it's time to see how we play against a foreign power.


Here's what we know about this league:
Hammer City began playing in 2006 and currently have an active roster of about thirty players over two intraleague teams (in comparison, the MNRG numbers about seventy for this season). The league's no stranger to the road; Hammer City teams have competed in two tournaments and the Eh! Team has played teams across the nation in 'unofficial' bouts (that is, not sanctioned by WFTDA, our sport's umbrella organization.)  They became members of WFTDA in 2009 and are looking to play as many leagues as they can within our association.  Who better to play than the MNRG, one of WFTDA's founding leagues?

So this weekend, Hammer City will send their All-Stars...the 'Eh! Team' to the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.  They'll be fielding fourteen players:


The HCRG Eh! Team:
Bitchslap Barbie #-98 (captain)
Vicadoom #4:20 (co-captain)
Perky Set #pi
Judge Jodie# 67
Mean Little Mama #0
Torinado #8
Snuffette #882
Eduskating Rita #2009
Carla Coma #621
Dicey #905
Cut Off #706
Little Red Rollerhood #7
Miss Carriage #33 1/3
Hawkeye Fierce #4077


Watch for jammer Carla Coma to find paths on the inside of the turns; she's got that ability to keep her head under pressure and keep her skates just within the track as she speeds through the apex of the corners.  If you're a fan of those single-skate high-risk jams, I'm pretty sure that you're going to like her style.  She and HCRG co-captain Vicadoom also share some lateral agility; they'll be the ones moving from side to side on the straightaways, looking for a path through MNRG blockers.  Oh yes, and the jammers of Hammer City are fast - their pack plays at a slower pace, but Carla Coma, Vicadoom, and Dicey all have some rockets built into those quads.

Their blocking staff seems to prefer a woman-on-woman defense in the back; watch for HCRG sweepers to go divebombing for our jammers all game long.  From the limited amount of tape we've been able to acquire, it seems that the front of the pack likes to work in pairs; Miss Carriage and Dicey look pretty tight up there, as do some of their other front blockers.

Also...Hammer City's blockers seem to like placing themselves as a unit in the front of the pack.  Now, this can be a useful tactic, and let me tell you why.  Say you've got two jammers coming around to make their scoring pass at about the same time; if your blockers are up front, your jammer can start scoring on your opponent's blockers before the other jammer can even put a point up.  There are downsides; the last blocker in such a pack can get slowed up and caught amidst the opponent's blocking staff.  If the opponent's team hits the breaks, your blockers are suddenly out of the pack - that amorphous location where both teams have the most players.  If you're out of the pack, you suddenly have a bunch of players who can't block without getting a trip to the penalty box.  The other problem?  Your jammer had better be mighty sure of herself; with no interference from your own blockers, it's just your jammer against your opponent's entire defensive line.

Clearly, the 'Eh! Team' should be a fun team to play against.  They've certainly had their opportunity to play other teams - Hammer City has travelled to Chicago, played against Madison's B-team (Team Unicorn), and have even played against up-and-comer Steel City (Pittsburgh). Hammer City's been getting ready for this match; their heads are probably full of ways to try to confound your own MNRG All-Stars.


The MNRG All-Stars:
Citizen Pain #F16
Coochie Coup #333
Diamond Rough #1837
Harmony Killerbruise #75
Honeydew Felon #25
Jax Kvaas #23
Lexi Cuter #187
Misfit Maiden #313
Psycho Novia #109
Scarmen Hellectra #28
Suzie Smashbox #91
Tiki Torture #H8U
Venus Thightrap #55
Vuedoo Prodigy #69


Couple of changes from the Carolina bout.  Sweet Justice is rumored to be working hard with her hometeam for January and has stepped aside for the fourth quarter, while All-Star co-captain Mitzi Massacre is bench coaching this bout.  This leaves two gaps to be filled on the roster.  Returning to the track is Garda Belt co-captain Citizen Pain, who'll likely be taking up her usual, frightfully-competent spot in the blocking staff. She'll be joined by last year's MNRG most improved player - Diamond Rough.  Watch for this ex-rugby player and fan favorite to be giving Hammer City a ride off the track.

What can we expect from our players?  It's hard to say.  Certainly, we'll be seeing Suzie Smashbox and Harmony shooting for points as well as the younger L'exi Cuter and Psycho Novia.  Novia and L'exi have each had one excellent game over the past few bouts; if both start scoring grand slams against Hammer City...well, it'll be hard for the Hamilton-based Canadiennes to catch up.

As before, our All-Stars will likely partner up to try to corner the players to the sides of the track.  We've been getting a lot of great results from isolating jammers from their blocking staff, either to then send a sweeper like Vuedoo or Honeydew to knock them out, or to just waste enough time that the jammer cannot score.

Also of note:

- If either team opens up a significant lead, watch for the play to start getting weird.  Slow packs off the whistle, clockwise skating, you'll know it when you see it.  Many of us watched the roller derby nationals via the Derby News Network this past weekend, and no one would be surprised to see the teams trying out some of the winning tactics from the tournament.  Incidentally, congratulations to the Oly Rollers of Olympia, WA - the newly-crowned champions of women's flat track roller derby.
- Watch that pack.  Everyone loves a jammer, but it's the blockers out there that make it hard for the opposing side to score.  October's victory against Carolina came about because MNRG's defensive line stopped Princess America and Holly Wanna Crackya, not simply because L'exi, Harmony, and Suzie had great games.  Even when our defensive lines were cracking because of penaltiy issues, the MNRG blockers kept the Carolina jammers to five points or less for every jam of the second half.  Blockers - and the pivots who sit on jammers in front and call plays - win games.

BUT WAIT...there's more.  We never just have one bout at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.  Our series of league mixers continue this month with a little game of cops and robbers:


The Cops:
Abbie Mischief
AliSin Chains
Anita Spankston
Bonnie Rotten
Cassie Rolle
Cookies 'n Scream
Damnzelsly
DieAnne Isis (captain)
Double D Fense
Gogo Galore
Hell N Ready
Meshugenough
Norwegian Mafia
Rumblebee (captain)
Shady O'Dread
Shiv and Let Die
Stacy Wrekt 
Sweet Justice
Wanda Wreckonwith


Robbers:
Boombay Safire
Buffy the Vampire Skater

Candi Pain

Flora Flipabitch

Ice Pack

KillaHertz

Killamon Jaro

Konceal and Kari

'Lil Tornado

Lola Blackenblue

Optimiss Crime

Ova Achieva

Patently Offensive

Rita Rawkus

Rollercat

Scootaloo

Shiver Me Kimbers (captain)

Sinnamin

Skullerateral Damage

Supersonik!

Tara Skatesov

Trinity Knox

Trixie Whipsum

Wonderbroad (captain)

So.  Teams comprised of the players from the MNRG's past, present, and future - mashed up like a rickroll beaten by a sack of potatoes - take on each other.  Garda against Garda, veteran against veteran, [noun] versus [exactly the same noun] (you've seen this construction before, haven't you?). As in the previous mixer, it's hard to work out how this game will go down, but it might come down to how the rookies will be used. The October bout's Angels put together a more rookie-centric series of lines (that's derby jargon for the group of five players in a jam) than the Devils, and that may have been one reason that the forces of darkness overtook the folks with the halos.

That said, there's some great new players to keep an eye on.  Dagger Doll Patently Offensive had a tremendous debut in October.  Her speed-skating background showed as she raced for Devil points throughout the bout; the Dolls must be pleased about their new acquisition.  So, too, must the Gardas for Damnzelsly - though she had relatively few moments to play, we got to see some remarkable blocking precision from the new girl in green. And there's more to come; we've just met our newest players - plenty of time to find favorites amidst '09 rookies.

In short, derby.  Season six continues.  Join us on Saturday; in addition to everything we've laid out for you just now, we'll be bringing the Bratwurst Brothers for halftime, the Saint Paul Bouncing Team for a little preshow entertainment, and an afterparty at O'Gara's. We will see you there!

Reporting from where all the women are strong, all the men are accessories, and all the children turn left,
-Garrison Killer, MNRG sidelines reporter

Devils down Angels 88-48

The Minnesota RollerGirls recruit their newest members in the heat of June.  As summer's heat passes, these recruits get drafted and begin working with the four teams...but in years past that left months before a new player would be seen at the Roy.  Last year, we began running league mixers to show off the rookies and get everyone back in front of the Roy crowd from the very first bout.  As an opener to each All-Star bout this year, we're starting up the mixers again.  This month: a frothy concoction of roller Angels and derby Devils.

After the introduction of over fifty players for the two teams - names of veterans, rookies, and retired skaters of old - the whistles blew and co-captains for their respective teams Mae Gusta (Devils) and Tara Skatesov (Angels) sped off the jammer line. Mae took the first lead of the MNRG's sixth season with a fast run through the inside of the back straightaway, while Tara got held back by Demora Liza and Shiver Me Kimbers.  Tara got held back just enough so that Mae could get a full five points. 

Sparkle Ninja (Angels) and Dieann Isis (Devils) then took to the line.  The refs called Ninja on a false start minor (and therefore could not become lead jammer) but shot through the pack nonetheless.  Isis finally also busted through without taking the lead, but could only gather three points against Sparkle Ninja's 13. Devil (and Dagger Doll) rookie Patently Offensive then grabbed her first MNRG jammer lead against the Angels' Anita Spankston, who fell afoul of Devil sweeper Diamond Rough. P.O. grabbed eight points, then ran straight into an Angel from behind and got sent out on back-blocking.  Anita found her footing and took four points of her own. Angels up 17-16 with twelve to go.

Angel rookie Killaman Jaro went to the line unopposed while Patently finished out her penalty.  However, by the time that Killaman's road had been cleared by her teammate Damnzelsly, Patently Offensive had already left the box and stolen the lead.  Both players scored two.  Shady O'Dread got the first Angel lead and grabbed two points as her opponent - Abbie Mischief - got waylaid by Rollercat.  However, Shady then got sent to the box along with two other Angels, giving Abbie (an All-Star when not wearing the wings) a massive opening to score a triple slam against an Angel-depleted pack.  The Devils took the lead (33-21) with nine left on the clock.

Trixie Whipsum - Rockit of seasons past - took an unopposed lead getting past Candi Pain and Flora Flipabitch.  However, Shady came out of the box, broke out of the pack and got past her; both scored two.  Rumblebee got the Devils' fifth lead jam, took an inside line unhindered by Angels and added five. Angel Tara Skatesov got the next lead and took a bit of a risk as she allowed her jam to continue as her opponent Patently Offensive went past.  The gamble paid off; P.O. got sent to the box after passing only one Angel, while Tara scored eight on the power jam.  She might have scored more; Tara called for her team to strand the Devils past the twenty foot point of engagement, but the team couldn't execute quickly enough for the jammer to capitalize. 41-31 Devils with three to go.

With Patently Offensive still in the box, Killaman Jaro started unopposed, and took a beautiful belt-assisted whip off of Angel blocker Little Tornado.  However, she still lost the lead to a faster Offensive, who scored ten. Devils captain Mae Gusta finished the half off with another double slam; the Devils ahead 61-32.

Retired Bombshell Betty Bruiser put on the jammer horns for the Devils against Sparkle Ninja to begin the second half. Betty broke the pack first, but Sparkle got the clean lead and called it off before Betty could start lapping.  Rumblebee next had a brilliant run for the Devils; she found space on the inside to clear through for the lead and withstood some fierce hits (including an illegal one from Angel rookie Alisin Chains) to score nine before the end of the jam. 

Angel Killaman Jaro grabbed the next lead as the refs sent opposing jammer Velvet Hammer (formerly of the Atomic Bombshells) to the box.  Killaman scored two before getting called out for track-cutting just as the jam expired.  Because both jammers were either serving time or heading to the box as time expired, both stayed in with Velvet able to leave as the next jam began.  Velvet broke right through the pack and scored three for the Devils before getting forced out by Candi and cutting back in...a fourth minor penalty for Velvet, which meant another trip to the box.  Killaman returned to the track when Velvet sat down, picked up the lead, but could not score.  After eight minutes in the half, the Devils' margin had increased to almost forty. 73-34 Devils.

Shiver Me Kimbers and Shady O'Dread then stepped to the line for their teams; through a knotty set of penalty calls involving a massive pileup in which neither jammer fell small (giving both a penalty), and a second subsequent penalty for both within two minutes, both jammers ended up keeping the jammer stars, but starting the next jam from the penalty box.  Kimbers took the next lead quickly as she raced from the box and called off the jam.

The fouls settled down as Sparkle Ninja and the Devils' Betty Bruiser returned to the line.  Betty grabbed a great whip off of Demora for the lead, but the Sparkly One was right behind her.  The Angels' Candi blocked in Betty, who called off the jam before Sparkle could advance.  The Angels started scoring again in the next two jams as jammers Tara and Anita grabbed points and their Angelic cohorts Rolls Wilder and Bonnie Rotten stymied their opponents. 

With only a minute to go, the score stood at 73-48 with the Devils in the lead, so the Angels sent back Sparkle Ninja to the jammer line to play against Mae Gusta for a last roll of the dice.  The Devils had not scored for ten minutes; it seemed that momentum was on the Angels' side...but it was not to be.  Sparkle slammed into Diamond Rough while Mae made her dizzying course through the Angel pack for the lead.  Mae pulled a triple slam off before she called the jam - final score 88-48 Devils over Angels.

The frequent use of rookie players appeared to sap the strength of the Angels, particularly when All-Stars like Candi Pain and Tara Skatesov would call a play and the team couldn't quite respond in time.  That said, newly-minted Dagger Doll Rollercat and Garda Belt rookie Damnzelsly put some great hits on the Devils as Angel defense.  As for the Devils, some good play - their packs were tight with Mae, Norah Torious, and Diamond squeezing the Angels out of play...and amidst some great Devil jams, the rookie Patently Offensive got off to an impressive start.  Congratulations to the diabolical horde for overthrowing the Roy.  Thank you for joining us and we'll see you next month!

Minnesota takes out Carolina in season opener, 105-69

Minnesota v Carolina

In the beginning of flat-track derby, the original, 'v1.0' rules of our governing body didn't even exist.  Get a player from those days over a beer, and you'll hear about how the two teams would hash out the ruleset between them only hours before the bout was played.  Minnesota and Carolina played one of the very first interleague bouts of the modern derby era at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in November 2005.  That match is an interesting footnote in the record books (237 MNRG - 173 CRG) as the second-highest bout recorded in overall points scored ever.  More importantly, it was with great delight that it was announced that Carolina's All-Stars would kick off the MNRG season.

On paper, this looked like a bit of a mismatch.  In WFTDA's East region, Carolina is ranked fourth and came through their tournament in fifth place.  Minnesota is ranked sixth in the North Central region and won only their last match against Grand Raggidy to place ninth.  What's more, Carolina sent a strong staff to Saint Paul; eleven of the fourteen players on the track this weekend were part of Carolina's tournament crew for Eastern Regionals.  Minnesota switched out Hanna Belle Lector for Scarmen Hellectra, but kept the remainder of the MNRG-Chicago staff from the Brawl of America together.

Suzie Smashbox (co-captain of MNRG) sped through pressure from Carolina's Princess America to take the first lead against Holly Wanna Crackya.  While Holly dueled with woman-on-woman specialist Tiki Torture, Suzie scored five and called off the jam.  MNRG all-star rookie L'exi-cuter got hung up by a stretched-out Carolina pack (it's a tactic called 'bridging') while Carolina's MVP DVS took the next lead for six.  MNRG jammer Harmony Killerbruise returned the favor with a textbook grand slam-plus that went unanswered from her opponent Princess America - thanks to Minnesota's three-deep walling of the Carolina fan favorite. All of that action was packed into five minutes of play, and Minnesota had the lead 13-5.

After two scoreless jams, L'exi Cuter took the lead and scored five as she caught Kitty Crowbar trying to engage outside the pack.   Holly Wanna Crackya then crashed through a light pack and scored five as Minnesota's blocking staff's minor fouls caught up.  DVS followed up for three against Psycho Novia, but the next three jams were Minnesota's for eight points.  Minnesota's back walls and pivot (particularly Venus Thightrap) ably handled Carolina's jammers.  Deviled Leggs broke the MNRG jammer streak by forcing 20 feet on Mitzi Massacre and Misfit Maiden to score three.

The refs sent Leggs to the box for minors, only to be sent out after her opponent Suzie Smashbox was sent in - and then seconds later returned once Suzie was clear.  Minnesota started working the penalty clock.  Leggs got trapped in the box over the next two jams, then finally emerged on fire but could not score.  With L'Exi well past the pack, Leggs got caught up in the full brunt of the Minnesota defense.  L'exi scored nine on that jam, and with one other scoring run, Minnesota continued to hold an appreciable lead 39-16 with eight on the clock.

Holly then brought Carolina right back into the game; off of more MNRG foul trouble, Holly shot through a depleted pack for eight, but allowed three from Harmony Killerbruise.  Carolina's Pinkslip then scored nine, and the CRG bench - smelling blood as the MNRG continued to draw fouls - sent Holly Wanna Crackya back out and Holly put up her biggest jam of the night...a triple slam.  These jams were the first three where Carolina had taken more than a single scoring run in a jam in the entire game and gave Carolina the lead. A final lead jam for Suzie brought the game to halftime, 48-46 Carollina.

Except for Carolina's late scoring run, Minnesota appeared to have control over the game.  However, the problems with the MNRG's defense and their foul trouble mounted throughout the period.  It gave Carolina an opportunity to come out and resume control of the game.  That said, of the four jammers scoring double digits in the first half, only one - Holly Wanna Crackya - played for Carolina.

The second half began just about where the previous half ended; with two players in the penalty box, the MNRG could not stop Holly Wanna Crackya from inching up Carolina's lead for four.  L'exi Cuter got Minnesota back on the right track by passing Princess America on the lapping pass whilst Princess attempted to booty block the young MNRG all-star back into the pack.  Princess called off the jam; Harmony and MNRG Misfit Maiden - normally a blocker - followed up with two lead jams for seven points in all.  53-52 Minnesota as the home team retook the lead with twenty-five to go.

Suzie Smashbox returned to the line against Carolina's Pinkslip as Kitty Crowbar cleared her minors.  Suzie grabbed twelve points while Pinkslip got rocked in the Minnesota back by Sweet Justice and Tiki Torture.  L'exi outsped Holly Wanna Crackya to get the next lead and sat on the Carolina veteran for almost a minute before calling the jam. 65-52 Minnesota.

L'Exi's lead made it four leads in a row for Minnesota...but Carolina broke the streak and began their major run as Minnesota re-entered into a sustained case of foul trouble.  For six jams, Carolina took the lead and beseiged the home team...but despite having a two-short pack for almost all of seven minutes, Minnesota never gave up more than five points per jam.  The difference can be seen by the way that Minnesota's defense almost gave up on the opposing jammer and just helped their own get through the pack while short.  And so - despite six lead jams in a row and a lot of excellent back-wall contact from Carolina's Maddat U and Shirley Temper - Carolina came back within only two.  66-64 Minnesota with fifteen left.

From there on, it was Minnesota all the way.  The MNRG began their own six lead-jam streak as L'exi Cuter took four points while jamming against Celia Fate.  Carolina's jammers began to not take the lead as they broke the packs, and Minnesota capitalized on that by taking lead after them and denying their opponents the ability to score.  Suzie Smashbox double-slammed Carolina as Princess America went to the box, and L'exi used the remaining power jam time to score nine of her own as she bent around the Carolina pack.  Minnesota front blocker Venus Thightrap capped off a fantastic match as she continued to trouble Princess America's resurgence from the box.

Minnesota finished their lead jam streak with five minutes to go and two textbook quick jams to bring the score to 95-65.  Carolina finally pulled a lead via Kitty Crowbar as DVS tossed a player into jammer L'exi-Cuter's way.  It seemed that Holly Wanna Crackya might also get a lead in the next jam, but MC Fyte went down on the front straightaway before she could start advancing.  End of jam.  Suzie Smashbox finished out the match with a double slam, and the crowd emptied onto the track for victory laps, high-fives, and hugs everywhere.  Final score 105-69.

After a disappointing start of the '09-'10 season at the Brawl of America, the Minnesota RollerGirls appear to have worked out some of their biggest issues.  Carolina had a very strong team - Maddat U, Celia Fate, and DVS all had a good night amidst the Carolina pack, but they couldn't quite work out how to stop Suzie, L'exi, and Harmony Killerbruise.  It seemed like Minnesota's blockers created paths for their scorers, and the jammers executed through those gaps again and again. Carolina also had a scoring problem - of the six jammers they put to the line, only one - Holly Wanna Crackya - scored double-digits.

We should particularly point out MNRG's pivot Venus Thightrap. She put on the pivot cover fifteen times and averaged a points per jam of 2.60 - her packs allowed 13 points for Carolina and scored 52 for MNRG.

It's still not all roses for Minnesota; the MNRG's players are still having long stretches where many players get sent to the box; one particularly horrifying moment for Minnesota fans came in the second half when two defenders skidded into the box just as the other two were standing up.  Those seven minutes in the second half where Carolina got six lead jams could have been disastrous.  Yet somehow, the defense bided its time and kept the opponents to single-lap gains. 

Minnesota's next match on November 21st will bring Hamilton, ON's Hammer City Roller Girls for Minnesota's first international bout - with a league mixer pitting Cops vs Robbers as the first match.  We'll see you there!

Carolina returns; Angels and Devils to Dance

Carolina returns; Angels and Devils to Dance

Welcome back.

The doors will reopen at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium for season 6 of Saint Paul's own Minnesota RollerGirls. If you've been following us over the summer, you'll know that the MNRG all-stars have been upping their game, travelling all over this nation to take on and take out our sister leagues. On the way, we've visited Michigan, Philadelphia, and even returned to Austin, where our dreams of our league began over five years ago. And to start this season off, we're bringing to you the first team that ever played the MNRG at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium...the fearsome, fantastic, phenomenal Carolina All-Stars.

Carolina came to the Roy four seasons ago in November of 2005 to throw down against a very young MNRG squad - and we made history by scoring the highest cumulative number of points ever in a full bout of roller derby. That record - a combined score of 410 points - was finally broken only five months ago when Texas demolished Oklahoma 451 to 8. Our bout against Carolina was much closer; when the dust settled, we had beaten Carolina's All-Stars 237-173. Two months later, we would travel to Carolina and be beaten in a much closer rematch - we fell to them 136-126. So to say there's a history between our two teams...well, that's sort of understating it.

With that history in mind, consider how our teams now stand. Minnesota just put on an amazing tournament - the Brawl of America was remarkable and we thank all of you that came out to see us and the nine teams that also competed. Put simply, our All-Stars did not have a great weekend. We fell to the North Central champion Windy City Rollers; we also lost a close one to our sister league across the river, the North Star Roller Girls, but we did defeat Michigan's Grand Raggidy Roller Girls. We placed ninth at the Brawl, and according to WFTDA's Q2 rankings, we are sixth in our region. That puts us in about the center of the pack in the North Central.

Carolina, on the other hand, is currently ranked fourth and came in fifth at their own tournament in the East Region. Right now, the East is arguably the strongest of the four regions; Gotham, Philly, Boston, and Charm City (remember them?) all play there - and Carolina plays them regularly and has won some of those matches. With the exception of our bout against Windy City at the Brawl, Carolina represents the biggest team that we have ever faced on Roy concrete. We will have our hands full.

The rosters:

MNRG All-Stars

Coochie Coup
Harmony Killerbruise
Honeydew Felon
Jax Kvaas (Frau Scientits of the Rockits)
L'exi Cuter
Misfit Maiden
Mitzi Massacre (co-captain)
Psycho Novia
Scarmen Hellectra
Suzie Smashbox (co-captain)
Sweet Justice
Tiki Torture
Venus Thightrap
Vuedoo Prodigy

Carolina All-Stars

Kitty Crowbar
DVS
Daisy Rage
MC Fyte
Holly Wanna Crackya
Deviled Legs
Celia Fate
Pinkslip
Roxxy Slide
Bianca O'Blivion
Shirley Temper
Elka Meano
Princess America
Maddat U

You'll notice a couple of very fresh faces; Psycho Novia and L'Exi-cuter were rookies last year, but we'll likely be seeing them putting on the jammer star and taking on Carolina's staff next to Suzie Smashbox, Mitzi Massacre, and Harmony Killerbruise. If the rosters for the Brawl and our Houston match are to be understood as the new norm, we may also be seeing Sweet Justice (co-captain for the Dagger Dolls) Misfit Maiden (Bombshell co-captain), and even back blocker extraordinaire Honeydew Felon take a turn at the jammer line.

In the pack, there's the usual wall of Rockit defense (Scarmen, Coochie Coup, Vuedoo, Honeydew, and Jax), but Carolina will see our players that wear orange, green, and pink as well. Tiki Torture is being called on to bring her fast, precise sweeping, while Venus Thightrap gets her first call in the home season to represent MNRG as an all-star. Watch for her near the front of the pack. Meantime, watch for her Bombshell teammates Mitzi, Misfit, and L'exi as front blockers. The MNRG has a habit of creating three-deep phalanxes that work in formation to entrap their prey, and the players will need to make those formations as sturdy as they can.

The Carolina defense also plays the wall game; their pack likes playing with a buddy (two walls, front and back) and when a defender is lost, they can be slow to sew up that hole. On the other hand, they're calm under pressure and don't often lose track of the location of the pack when a front blocker heads out to cut off the jammer before they start sprinting. As to that jamming, Carolina is bringing two of their best to Saturday's match - Holly Wanna Crackya and Princess America. Now, the Princess is a very skilled jammer who consistently puts great numbers up; Holly has a remarkable facility to accelerate through half the pack, pop her head up, work out a brand new line, and shoot through the remainder of the defenders. It's going to a lot of fun to see our tremendous blocking line take on such talented players.

If you want to watch for signs that Minnesota is doing well against Carolina, here are a few things to watch for (other than the score, of course):

1) Minnesota staying out of the penalty box. We've had many problems this summer with our players heading to the box at exactly the wrong time. There are a number of ways that our team can work through foul trouble as long as the overall number is low. If two or three of our players head to the box every jam, we're going to have difficulty putting up enough defense to stop Carolina's best.
2) Communication. Watch for our women in blue pointing, yelling, and using anything this side of semaphore flags to let each other know what's going on around them.
3) A few stuffs by our blockers in the first few jams. If we can find ways early to stop their jammers' movement through the pack (even if they don't have to pick themselves off the ground), it's a good indication that we've got their number.

We would love to see every face out there painted in MNRG blue, every torso beclad in All-star colors, all holding signs and cheering like the force of nature that you MNRG fans are during the home season. These players are some of the very best we've seen at the Roy, and we want every edge we can get to take on this team...including the homecourt advantage that you bring us every month.

One last note: this may very well be the last bout for All-Star Harmony Killerbruise; Harmony is heading west to Washington this fall. If you have an opportunity, stop her and thank her for her years at the pivot and jammer line for the Rockits and the All-Stars.

Angels v Devils:

It's our second year of experimenting with theme bouts. We enjoyed putting on last year's 'Disco v Punk' and 'Pirates v Zombies' bouts so much that we decided to do it again this year. This first bout will bring out the best and the worst of our skaters as the Angelic Hosts take on the Denizens from the Depths of the Grave.



The rosters:

Angels:

AliSin Chains (rookie)
Cassie Rolle (rookie)
DamnzelSly (rookie)
Killaman Jaro (rookie)
Little Tornado (rookie)
Ova Achieva (rookie)
Rollercat (rookie - reserves last year)
Stacy Wreckt (rookie)
Abbie Mischief
Anita Spankston
Candi Pain
Flora Flipabitch
Gogo Galore
Hell N Ready
MeshugEnough
Optimiss Crime
Pain Gretzky
Rita Rawkus
Shady O'Dread
Sinaminn
Sparkle Ninja
Tara Skatesov (captain)
Trinity Knox
Bonnie Rotten (inactive)
Eve L Hazard (inactive)
Rolls Wilder (inactive)

Devils:

BOOMbay Safire (rookie)
Cookies 'n Scream (rookie)
Double D.Fense (rookie)
IcePack (rookie - reserves last year)
Konceal N' Kari (rookie)
Madame de Stompadour (rookie)
Norwegian Mafia (rookie)
Patently Offensive (rookie)
Wanda Wreckonwith (rookie - reserves last year)
Barbie Brawl
Demora Liza
Diamond Rough
DieAnn Isis
Mae Gusta (co-captain)
Norah Torious (co-captain)
Punishmint Patty
Rizzo
Rumblebee
Shiv & Let Die
Shiver Me Kimbers
Supersonik!
Trixxie Whipsum
Betty Bruiser (inactive)
Lydia Punch (inactive)
Velvet Hammer (inactive)

It's very difficult to handicap these matches. Many players from the past, present, and future of MNRG get involved - for now, notice the new set of rookies that we've brought on this year (and check out the updates to the MNRG website to find out a bit more about them).

Enough has been written, folks. We'll have recaps a couple of days after, but they're nothing like that feeling of opening day, screaming your lungs out with mini donuts and PBR in hand. See you this weekend!

THE SEASON IS ON.

Writing for the MNRG,
-Garrison Killer

The Fourth Eskate will return shortly.

Note to the few who have this on their feed; the Brawl of America will be providing coverage complementary to the fine folks at the DNN throughout the Brawl. More details are coming. It's likely that we will be using this blog for posting reports and interviews.

I almost hate to say it, but...keep it tuned here in the weeks to come.

Best,

-gk

Season six farewells

Before the sixth season begins in earnest for the Minnesota RollerGirls, we want to acknowledge several players who will not be playing next year. You'll still see these players in the stands as they cheer on their teammates; join us in wishing them the best!

Going to Class C (eligible to play and work on league business, but not an active player):

Dagger Dolls:

• Lydia Punch
• Roxanne Rolls
• Rebel Stella
• Fixie Chic
• Mary Tyler Roar
• Kim Jong Kill

Atomic Bombshells:

• CleoSPLATra
• Eve L Hazard

Garda Belts:

• Demora Liza
• Cupcake
• Ann E Briated
• Lil' Hellion

Retiring from the MNRG:

Rockits:

• Jawbreaker

Much more news coming; upcoming bouts are being planned, the Brawl of America is only two months away, and the sixth season begins in October. See you soon at the Roy!

MNRG Spring 2009 Update

MNRG Spring 2009 Update

Seven weeks have passed since the Rockits retained their championship against the Garda Belts...and so with the fifth season over and done with, the women of the Minnesota RollerGirls have traded their colors for MNRG blue.  

What?  You thought there was an off-season?  Well, we've news for you; results from the Fifth Annual Wheelies, scores from the MNRG all-star games, rumors of players retiring, and a quick report from a trip that the three Twin Cities leagues took to Duluth to support the newly-minted Harbor City Roller Dames.

The Minnesota RollerGirls has been playing for five years.  Every year, the players, the fans, and the staff choose the best of the best; those players are recognized in a closed-door ceremony in May that we call the Wheelies.  And fans of the MNRG, I can report that the winners of the 2008-9 Wheelies are:

ALL-LEAGUE AWARDS 

(as voted upon by the players)

Most Valuable Minnesota RollerGirl:  Suzie Smashbox

Rookie of the Year:   Psycho Novia

Purple Heart: Savage Animal (in the championship bout, Savage Animal broke her leg in three places and is now on the road to recovery)
Most Improved RollerGirl: Diamond Rough
Hardest Hitter: Vuedoo Prodigy
Speed Demon: Roxanne Rolls
Best Attitude: Angelfire
Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking: (tie) Vuedoo Prodigy and Abbie
Mischief

PBR's RollerGirl of Honor: (tie) Ann E Briated and Scootaloo

The Towelie:     Ice Pack
Most Charitable:   Ursula Von Doom
Volunteer Lover:    Suzie Smashbox

Head Trauma Legacy Award: Flora Flipabitch

The Golden Supporter:    Daisy Dukes It Out (volunteer of the year)

FAN AWARDS

Favorite Jammer:    Suzie Smashbox
Favorite Pivot/Blocker:   Vuedoo Prodigy
Favorite Rookie:    Jocelyn D'Jewels

The Lappy:     Suzie Smashbox (RollerGirl you'd most like to fall in your lap)

TEAM AWARDS

Atomic Bombshells

Rookie of the Year: Diamond Rough
Team Spirit: Mitzi Massacre
Team MVP: Misfit Maiden

Dagger Dolls
Rookie of the Year: Psycho Novia
Team Spirit: Lydia Punch
Team MVP: Sparkle Ninja

Garda Belts
Rookie of the Year: Anita Spankston
Team Spirit: Citizen Pain
Team MVP: Suzie Smashbox

Rockits 
Rookie of the Year: Trinity Knox
Team Spirit: Frau Scientits
Team MVP: Harmony Killerbruise

MNRG Reserves (The reserves are made up of veterans ready to be redrafted to teams as well as RollerGirls who have not yet been recruited by a league team.)

Most Improved Reserve: Ice Pack

Best Spirit - Reserve: Ursula Von Doom  

REFEREE AWARDS 

(voted on by the Leagues' referees)

Sugar and Spice Award: Citizen Pain
Not So Nice Award: Sparkle Ninja

STAT AWARDS 

(presented by the staff based off of recorded statistics)

Best Pivot: Citizen Pain
Best Blocker: Honeydew Felon
Best Assister: Vuedoo Prodigy
Best Jammer: Jawbreaker

BEST ATTENDANCE (all players must meet minimum practice attendance requirements to play.  These players went above and beyond.)

Best Attendance - Atomic Bombshells:  Mitzi Massacre
Best Attendance - Garda Belts:  Citizen Pain
Best Attendance - Dagger Dolls:  Psycho Novia
Best Attendance - Rockits:  Dudezilla
Best Attendance - Reserves: Ice Pack

FIVE YEARS OF DERBY (These players and volunteers have been with us since the very beginning.)
Barbie Brawl
Candi Pain
Cupcake
Glam Slam
Flora Flipabitch
Hanna Belle Lector
Jawbreaker
Lil Hellion
Lizzy the Axe
Lydia Punch
Mitzi Massacre
Norah Torious
Rebel Stella
Roxanne Rolls
Scotty Cruz
Wet Spot

---

Now, you may think that the Wheelies have been the only thing happening.  Fans, let me give you the lowdown:

• The MNRG - represented by Frau Scientits , Mitzi Massacre , Honeydew Felon , and Diamond Rough  - showed up for a special Saint Paul 'Drinking With Ian ' taping on the 18th of April to talk a little derby.  Watch for the episode on local Twin Cities televison...we'll keep you posted on broadcast dates.  Diamond Rough's shoulder-blocking + Most Dangerous television host in the 612 = goodness.  Thanks to Ian and the MNRG players and staff (Optimiss Crime, Brash, and Apron) who made this one happen.
• The MNRG All-Stars played their first away game of the 2009 season against Grand Raggidy Roller Girls of Grand Rapids, MI on April 25th.  We beat our sister league 86-76 after a rather larger halftime lead of 37-8.  According to players on the All-Star staff, the MNRG played a game based off of an evil 3-wide wall defense in the first half.  Full credit to the Grand Raggidy players; they worked their way around the defense in the final thirty minutes as we fell into foul trouble...but we bounced back and took out the Michigan team for the final.  The Derby News Network posted a damn fine bout recap of the match by our friend Rusty Wheeler.
• The Minnesota RollerGirls are part of the first wave of the resurrection of roller derby in the United States. As the years have gone by, we've sent our players to help out burgeoning leagues get a taste of competitive derby.  Our All-Stars took a road trip on May 9th to Des Moines to play against the Mid-Iowa Rollers on their home turf.  At the half, we were ahead 131-8; we ended up blowing them out, but not without some injuries; All-Star and Garda Belt Angelfire ended up with another setback in her quest to return full-time to the Roy's track; we wish her a speedy recovery.  Get well soon, dammit.
• Players, staff, and fans from the Minnesota RollerGirls, the North Star Roller Girls  of Minneapolis, and the Twin Cities Terrors  (Minnesota's only male derby league) all took the short drive north to Duluth to support our sister league, the Harbor City Roller Dames over Memorial Day weekend.  Fans, it was an utter blast.  The TC Terrors put on a forty-minute bout, and damn, did they delivered.  Watch in this coming season for the opportunity to see jammers like Whiplash, G.I. Skooldya, Wet Spot, and Peter take on the might of Husker Stu, Slam Serif, Wernher von Bombed, and the Man-Beast called 'Killsbury Doughboy;' our MNRG All-stars have been talking a lot about their scrimmages with this team of talented men and their few opportunities to show off their talent at the Roy doesn't even come close to telling the story of the Terrors.  But the main event?  Sixty minutes of derby from some of the best in the state.  Almost half of the Bombshells as well as representatives from all of our teams showed for this match.  Add to that some amazing play from the women of Harbor City (particularly Slapshot, who I'd pay money to draft to the Dolls) and a great showcase of talent from the North Stars (Kili St Cyr?  Betty LaRude?  Katarina Hit?  Damn.), and it added up to a fantastic time in Minnesota's Northlands.  We want to thank HCRD for having us up; the bout and afterparty was a great time to kick back and enjoy some damn fun derby.  Also, Atomic Bombshells fans will have missed a great opportunity to see some of their players - Mae Gusta, L'Exi-Cuter, Mitzi Massacre, Diamond Rough, Supersonik, Hell N Ready, Chinese Takeout - play against one another.  Try finding the pictures of Diamond sending a player flying through the air on a rough ride.  I assure you that it'll be worth the Googling.
• There's change in the air.  As of the Wheelies, a sizable number of RollerGirls are hanging up their skates or are stepping back to let new players take their spot.  This next year will see a new draft; who will be next year's rookies of the year?  It could be you. Check out the new 'recruitment' video on YouTube for the hell of it, but if you're seriously brave and damn gutsy enough to want join the MN RollerGirls, show up for tryouts on the 14th of June at 2pm at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium.  It'll be four hours of hell that could change your life forever.

Watch for more updates as the summer progresses; the MNRG is working very hard on the North Central Regional tournament; we think it's going to be just about the best tournament that you've ever been to...and we want you there to enjoy it.  Tickets are just about to go on sale.

Wondering how you missed some of the fun?  As always, the MN RollerGirls website is the first place to go for an event, but you can also keep track of @MNRG on Twitter and the MNRG (and MNRG Fan Club) on Facebook for the very latest news.

Writing from the exact center of roller derby in America today,

-Garrison Killer