Philly cracks Madison, 213-53

When the first four jams of a bout go 34-0, there’s a strong suspicion that the bout may end up a little one-sided.  Such was the case of Philly’s Liberty Belles match against the Dairyland Dolls of Madison, WI.  Philly shut down the flexible pack of Madison, and began to asserted themselves on the track.
Madison got a five-point reprieve as Jewels of Denile took a lead and a grand slam against Elle Viento’s rapid pace, but Philly simply had the goods.  Where Charm City made small corrections to the MNRG pack that sent players to the box, the Belles simply planted and hit…sending Madison sprawling.
Philly played an extremely clean jamming game in the first half and did not get slapped with a single jammer trip to the penalty box.  Madison was not so lucky as rebounded through a rapidly-recycling Philly pack.  The Belles didn’t need the extra points from their numerous power jams, but they nonetheless piled on the pain.  At fifteen minutes, Philly was up 62-9; by the end of the half, the lead had been extended to 118-13.
The key to this half was clearly the dominant Philly defense.  Whether Heavy Flo creating space in the front or one of the Belles’ numerous jammers playing rapid-play blockers, Madison simply could not cope with the threat from Philadelphia as halftime was reached.
Philadelphia’s deep roster of jammers took center stage in the second half, breaking through Madison packs with little to no impediment.  Lead jams fell into their laps as the Belles’ Castro, Flo, and Teflon Donna tore the pack apart front and back for their scoring arsenal.
As in the first half, power jams didn’t hurt; six minutes into the second half, Madison’s Vicious Van-Go-Go went to the box for a track cut, giving Mo Pain a chance to drop twenty points as she darted through Madison’s defense. Philly 157 – Madison 16.
Ginger Vitis took another twenty-four on another power jam as Vicious returned to the box ten minutes later.  Madison had found moments to score, but only single runs. With eight minutes remaining, Philly was ahead 206-24.
A late run by Jewels of Denile in a power jam off of Ginger Vitis gave the retiring Madison jammer a last, phenomenal seventeen-point jam. However, Philly handily took the game as the final whistle blew. 213-53.
Philly now will play the Kansas City Roller Warriors Saturday afternoon at 1pm CDT.

(For archival purposes: original article first appeared on Uproar on the Lakeshore website.)

Charm City conquers MNRG the slow way, 249-119

Charm City took an early lead in a no-lead jam as long-time veteran Joy Collision scored sixteen points for Charm against the opposing jammer, MNRG’s Suzie Smashbox.
Unlike the previous bout between Texas and Bay Area – filled with close play and rapid packs – this game was played on the chessboard as packs would screech to a halt and find ways to advance their positions by inches rather by yards.  Charm held their lead for ten minutes until Scarmen Hellectra grabbed the lead jam for a grand slam (five points) for the Minnesota girls. MNRG  31-27.
Amidst slow starts and slow slow packs, the MNRG kept their lead for three jams until a back block penalty sent Scarmen to the box as a jammer for the first of four power jams for Charm.  Baltimore’s veteran Just Carol grabbed twenty-four points as Minnesota’s pack spilled into the penalty box one after the other.
Charm City’s packs utilized their numbers advantage to the fullest over their next three power jams, scoring sixty-six point.  Just Carol’s own trip to the penalty box as jammer two jams before the end of the half netted Minnesota only ten points from Scarmen’s jamming…and a final trip to the penalty box by Suzie Smashbox for track-cutting bled a further thirteen points.  Minnesota was rapidly falling to its own nerves and sloppy play as the second half began.
With Charm up 109-58, the second half began with another power jam as Minnesota’s Suzie Smashbox took another track cut, giving Charm the opportunity to score another twenty. 129-58.
Minnesota seemed as if they had a chance still – a small chance, albeit, as Smashbox, L’exi-Cuter, and Juke Boxx took opportunities to score in the midst of a penalty cascade by Charm City, scoring 20 to Charm’s eight.  However, the door slammed shut as the Minnesota pack continued to fall prey to Charm City’s small hits to the outside…followed by backward runs that ensured Minnesota’s players re-entered the track just ahead of the person that knocked them out.
Time and again, Holly Go Hardly and Dolly Rocket took care of Minnesota jammers while the depleted Minnesota pack lack the stopping power to hold back Charm’s I. M. Pain and Just Carol.  As the clock ran out, Charm had opened a gap of 130 points – 249-119.  Minnesota’s run as WFTDA’s Big 5 Cinderella ran out here as their first attempt at playing serious slow-pack derby failed at the feet of Baltimore’s finest.
Charm City advances and will play Rocky Mountain at 11:15am in the quarter-finals.

(For archival purposes: original article first appeared on Uproar on the Lakeshore website.)

Uproar re-recap: Texas retires Bay Area, 72-59

No one said Texas’s trip into the quarterfinals would be easy.
WFTDA’s Uproar on the Lakeshore – the international championship of modern roller derby – began with a tactical clinic.  The surprise darlings of the West – Bay Area Derby Girls – took on the Texecutioners of Austin, TX.
The first half was marked by low scores and very close play.  A single trip to the penalty box by a jammer from either side – Chantilly Mace of Bay Area – only grossed six points by Texas’ Bloody Mary.  The power jam nonetheless resulted in bringing the score to Texas 13 – Bay Area 7 with twenty to go in the half.
Bay Area’s Ivy Prophane scored a thirteen-point jam only minutes later unassisted by a power jam, returning the lead to Bay Area as her blockers swarmed Texas’ jammer.  Bay Area held that lead until five minutes remained on the clock, when Texas blocker Belle Starr spent two minutes keeping Chantilly Mace in the pack as Bloody Mary grabbed ten points.  At the half, Ivy Prophane grabbed another five points to bring the game within one point, 38-37.
Ivy, who had scored twenty-five in the first half, nabbed the lead from Texas five minutes into the second half with a three-point jam.  With the score 43-41 for the BAD Girls, that would be the last time that Bay Area would be on top.
Despite a tiring Bloody Mary and some valiant scoring jams from Bay Area’s Burlybot, Nock Nock, and Ivy Prophane, the Texecutioners pack descended on their opponents like velociraptors. Bay Area could only drop single lap point scores when they took the lead, and often the Texas pack could keep up with the opposing jammer long enough for their own scorer to break the pack.  The jammer-killer Belle Starr kept recycling the Bay Area to the back, and Bay Area had no way to keep up.
The deciding jam came from Texas’ Olivia Shootin’ John who paced the lanky Ivy Prophane for a grand-slam-plus unassisted by a power jam in the 24th minute of the second half.  Bringing Texas up to 68-53, the Bay Area could not find a way to score enough to make up the gap.  Final score: Texas 72 – Bay Area 59.
Texas now advances to play Gotham at 9:30am CDT on Saturday.

(For archival purposes: original article first appeared on Uproar on the Lakeshore website.)

MNRG silences NRG Tornado Sirens in final jam, 111-95

Naptown (#6 NC) - Indianapolis, Indiana - sent fourteen of their finest on a twelve-hour bus ride to Saint Paul and nearly went home with an upset victory against the Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars. After a slow start, Naptown adapted to Minnesota's diverse jamming lineup and came within one jam of upending Minnesota's standing as #2 in the North Central region.

Minnesota took a knee just before regulation play began, creating a "broken pack" opportunity that sent the jammers hurtling off the line immediately. Scarmen Hellectra took the first lead jam and scored 3-0. Minnesota tried again with a broken pack in the following jam, but came up empty against Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch. Willa cracked through the pack with ease, but fast-moving MNRG blocker Juke Boxx came from behind to pace Willa and suck her back into the pack; Willa called the jam. Minnesota then landed three more straight lead jams for fifteen more points. 18-0 after eight minutes.

Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch got the team's second lead jam as Ima Hurchu held up Minnesota's Harmony Killerbruise long enough for her jammer to score four. Blue Messiah then stole one point from MNRG's lead-jamming L'exi-Cuter, but got nailed with a back-block penalty as L'exi called the jam. MEDUSA converted the power jam for ten.

Naptown then went on a streak of four lead jams as their blockers began to form up just in front of Minnesota jammers with broken-pack formations as each jam started. Though the formation worked to keep back MNRG jammers for precious seconds, Naptown jammers had limited success in getting far enough ahead of Minnesota to score. In fact, Minnesota stole points from those Naptown leads, outscoring them 14-6 as MNRG began to adapt and score lead jams again. 44-11 Minnesota up, with eight minutes to play in the half.

Blue Messiah took to the jammer line against Scarmen Hellectra. Naptown set a phalanx just ahead of the pivot line, giving space for their own jammer to fly through...and Scar's attempt to crack the wall resulted in a major back block. Blue flashed past the remaining pack for the lead as her blockers sliced apart the Minnesota defense. Naptown forced the pack to a stop; Blue scored 14. That jam effectively doubled Naptown's score as Minnesota panicked and sent several players to the box in their attempt to down opponents. Naptown's Willa scored four more points the following jam.

Minnesota called a timeout to regroup, but Naptown took advantage of their opponent's depleted packs and Shadi Layne's precision blocking to bring the game to within ten at the half. HALFTIME 46-36, Minnesota ahead...but Naptown had outscored the MNRG 25-2 in the final minutes of the half.

Play restarted with MNRG's L'exi-Cuter jamming against Amooze-Booche. Booche took advantage of a pack destruction call on Minnesota's Vuedoo Prodigy to take the half's first lead, but blew it after scoring three by ramming into Jax Kvaas from behind. L'exi and MEDUSA took five points each on the resulting power jam opportunity. Willa responded with her fifth straight lead jam as her team escorted opposing jammer Juke Boxx off the track, but Willa could only muster a single point against Minnesota. MNRG 56 - NRG 40.

Minnesota grabbed the next two jams for five points, but Naptown's Asian Sinsation dropped L'exi-Cuter to the inside just as Sin's jammer began her lapping pass. Naptown scored three in the confusion. However, Minnesota then began to inch ahead over the next eight minutes by catching five more straight lead jams and outscoring Naptown 19-2.

Minnesota and Naptown matched one another in speed, making it difficult for Minnesota's jammers to find an opportunity to shut down Naptown. Still, Minnesota had command of the track, whether through Juke Boxx's inspired apex jump of all four Naptown defenders, or Vuedoo and Tiki Torture's pounding of Amooze Booche while MEDUSA scored nine. With fifteen minutes left on the clock, the MNRG were up 80-45.

Suddenly, Minnesota fell prey to Naptown's blockers. Over the next two jams, both Scarmen Hellectra and Harmony Killerbruise slammed into well-positioned NRG defensive formations from behind. With two drawn power jams early on each jam clock, Maiden America and Willa Hoeflinch scored an aggregate 23 unanswered points--bringing Naptown within twelve.

MNRG's MEDUSA responded by landing a 3-0 jam, but then Minnesota lost its head. Maiden America scored nine on a Naptown Minivan (5-on-2 power jam against a back-blocking Scarmen Hellectra), then Maiden went to the box at the end of the jam. L'exi scored only two against a sprint-quick Naptown pack before a misjudged double track cut sent her out for a minute. Maiden scored another ten. Amooze Booche scored the tying jam with three minutes left to play, 92-92. Minnesota's loss of focus almost cost them the game.

With two minutes to go, Minnesota sent MEDUSA to the jam line against Maiden America. MEDUSA picked her way through a light Naptown pack for the lead while the MNRG's Tiki Torture and Diamond Rough monstered Maiden into a track cut. Naptown tried to dump MEDUSA, but were only sent to the penalty box for their trouble. MEDUSA scored ten, but a late back-block call by the refs as the end-of-jam whistle blew sent her to the penalty box. Minnesota called a timeout, up 102-92 with 22 seconds remaining.

With MEDUSA in the box for a minute and Maiden America ready to run wild, Minnesota put Killaman Jaro, Harmony, and L'exi-Cuter in the pack to keep pace with Maiden (and Naptown blockers Cereal Killer and Asian Sinsation--the short NRG pack for the final jam). Naptown started in a blaze with a broken pack, firing Maiden off the line as the jam began. However, Minnesota's cadre of jammer/blockers waterfalled expertly, re-engaging with the Naptown jammer as she attempted to blow by. L'exi-Cuter held the last line of defense, and kept Maiden in the pack for almost the full minute of power jam.

Maiden at last emerged past L'exi and took the lead just as MEDUSA slithered from the box. Ima Hurchu almost forced a track cut on MEDUSA as the Minnesota jammer made her initial pass, but 'DUSA dropped to her knees and re-engaged the pack safely. L'exi sealed the game for Minnesota as she forced an inside major track cut on Maiden in the final seconds of the jam.

FINAL: MNRG 111 - NRG 95

MEDUSA led in scoring overall, going 8-11 for 53 Minnesota points. Both L'exi-Cuter and Scarmen Hellectra scored more than twenty each for the MNRG. For Naptown, Maiden America went 6-11 for 40 points. Willa Hoeflinch had 21 points in 6 jams of 7. 

Princes reign over Har-Mar Megastars, 69-37

With the curtain on the Minnesota RollerGirls' seventh season, our league decided to put together a special final mixer for the year. We separated our league by experience, placing those who had skated four or more years as a derby player on the Princes (named after the Twin Cities' own Purple One), and then pit them against those who had joined a roller league for the first time in the past three years. The "young'uns" played as the Har-Mar Megastars. Here's how it went.

Introduction of the Princes: The Princes rush the track in a sea of lace, purple, and silver (strangely, no players from the Orange Period) Relatively few mustaches as well. Disappointing. However, both Seamonster (bench-coaching for the Princes) and the TC Terrors' Drewraffe (as a ridiculously tall version of Paisley Park's chief resident) come out in wigs and suits that were pretty much tailored from Purple Awesome.

Introduction of the Har-Mar Megastars: If you've ever seen Har-Mar, you can guess the style. More than one player are wearing briefs in their hometeam colors over tights and t-shirt. Ova Achieva has achieved her name's potential with a full cloak made from the American flag, suspenders, and gold trimmings...but really, no one's exactly being subtle in their choice of boutfits. Har-Mar, we learn, sends his regards for his namesake team...sadly, he has a previous engagement.

20 minutes (first half): MEGASTAR POWER JAM. The Princes' Lizzy the Axe goes to the box within seconds for a track cut, but the H-M's Hurtrude Stein can't find her way past Barbie Brawl and the purple defense! Trudy calls the jam with Lizzy still in the box.

18 minutes: Moto Fluzzi finds a path around the opposition for the Megastars with a whip by Skullateral Damage and grabs the first point as Lizzy emerges out of the box.

Princes 0 - Megastars 1

17 minutes: Sintripetal Force - fellow Megastar and Garda Belt with Moto - takes two unanswered points as well. Very low-scoring game thus far.

16 minutes: Suzie Smashbox wears the jammer star for the Princes and grabs their first lead...and the Megastar defense heads to the front of the pack. Suzie can only score one point before opposing jammer Patently Offensive can start lapping. Suzie calls it.

Princes 1 - Megastars 3

14 minutes: Nothing like a nine-point jam unassisted by a penalty box visit. Lizzy chops through the pack as Prince defenders Barbie Brawl and Pain Gretzky hole up Hurtrude Stein. Lizzy laps once before Trudy can break out; Lizzy goes for the second lap, but misjudges the call of the jam. Trudy sneaks into the pack just before the call and steals three.

Princes 10 - Megastars 6

9 minutes: The play's been very clean up to this point. Mixers can get very chaotic due to the lack of team cohesion, but the merging of players by rookie classes seems to be counteracting the big mistakes. The Princes score two more four-point jams. Lizzy's having another of her great games; she dumps Sintripetal Force to give her jammer a chance to take the lead and score one of those 4-point go-aheads.

Princes 18 - Megastars 6

7 minutes: Patently Offensive gets the Megastars back on the board. "Leo" gets the lead against Suzie Smashbox. Both jammers bust out of the pack, but the pack speeds up with Leo's team just ahead of the Princes. Leo sneaks inside a corner to score one and calls it. Trudy catches the Prince defense off-guard on a 20-foot violation to score a 2-0 in the next jam.

Princes 18 - Megastars 9

6 minutes: Lizzy's everywhere tonight. Back to the jammer line, she outskates Moto Fluzzi and drops another nine-point jam on the Har-Mar Megastars. 

Princes 27 - Megastars 9

4 minutes: Hey, is that #1111? Sparkle Ninja puts on the jammer star and takes the outside path on turn four to take the lead and gets her first point for the season. For the most part, the Megastars have been just a step or two behind the Prince jammers...but that step has meant that the Megastars are not yet out of single digits.

Princes 28 - Megastars 9

2 minutes: Scootaloo gets her second lead jam of the night, whisking past the pathon the outside lane. Her stride forces the Megastars to come after her outside of the engagement zone as she laps. The Megastar defense turns back, and Scoots calls the jam for four.

Princes 32 - Megastars 9

Last jam (first half): Princes blocker Olga Ogilthorpe pistons Trudy to the outside of turn 3 as opposing jammer Suzie Smashbox flies through the inside. Trudy recovers quickly, but Suzie still scores two. That's halftime, folks. The Megastars cannot gain enough traction to take the lead jam. A lot of that is due to a terrifying lineup of veteran blockers that are allowing the Megastar jammers to ride the outside line of the turns...and then re-engaging them as the jammer hits the straightaway.

HALFTIME: 34 - 9

20 minutes (second half): It's Lizzy right back to the front for the lead, despite an awesome shopping-cart shove by Skullateral Damage of Megastar teammate Madame de Stompadour into Lizzy the Axe. Stompy barely misses, and Lizzy scores 2 to Megastar jammer Ova Achieva's one.

Princes 36 - Megastars 10

16 minutes: Megastar blockers Skullateral Damage, Shiva Shank'n, and Shiver Me Kimbers are all pitching in to hold back the Prince jammers, but their efforts continue to come up a little short. The Megastars need just a bit longer to get through the pack, and they're having problems scoring more than a point or two. Glam Slam gets another four points for the Princes, but her pack is starting to look a little light in terms of players to the box. Could be trouble.

Princes 40 - Megastars 11

15 minutes: MEGASTAR POWER JAM. Yup. That's trouble. Lydia Punch goes to the box for a back block, and opposing jammer Moto Fluzzi tries to make up for lost time. The Princes start going for the big hits and get called out on penalties. In fact, the Princes lose enough to get the derby fans raising their fists and peace signs...it's a 5-on-2 Minivan! However, the Megastars can't stop the pack quickly enough to give a Moto a chance to lap a standstill pack. Nonetheless, Moto scores nine points to two for Lydia.

Princes 42 - Megastars 20

12 minutes: After another 3-1 Lizzy the Axe jam, Ova Achieva slaloms through the pack, only to run into Scootaloo - the tiniest oak in the forest. Bee comes skidding in behind and gets the lead for another four points. 

Princes 49 - Megastars 21

10 minutes: DIRTY POOL, KIMBERS. Shiver Me Kimbers is providing some massive hits tonight, but it would appear that the mighty Megastar has just pulled Norah Torious to the ground by her belt while the refs weren't looking. She's getting the Derby 4 All Big Hitter award for the Megastars, but she could have just as easily gotten the Seventh Sojourn Dirty Player award.

8 minutes: STAR PASS! Holy crap.  Glam Slam ably gets the lead jam, laps in, then passes the star to pivot Suzie Smashbox. Suzie spins up and goes to take another lap. However...the rules of the star pass negate the lead jam, so Suzie can't stop Moto Fluzzi from scoring seven points of her own.

Princes 61 - Megastars 29

6 minutes: As this game winds to an inevitable close, you have to look at the MNRG rookie jammers for a second. We saw rookie Commander Nix bring back the Golden Skate to her Rockits before she headed to Africa for a few months. However, the other five rookies that have been principally jamming in the past couple of months (Kit Shinkicker, Moto Fluzzi, Sintripetal Force,  Hurtrude Stein, and Freeze Baby) have really come into their own during the mixers. I'm looking forward to seeing what these six are going to bring to their teams next year.

4 minutes: Lizzy. Again with the lead jam. Again with the point score. Again with the...did she just leapfrog Suzie Smashbox on the straightaway? The vets are really pulling out the crowd-pleasers tonight.

2 minutes: Hold it. Ova's down; our EMT staff have rushed to her side, and it appears she's fine. GAME ON.

Last jam of the game: Sparkle Ninja v Moto Fluzzi. Moto gets the lead, but it's Ninja that gets the cheers as she takes a leg whip to propel her out of the pack. Nice final touch from the winning team.

FINAL: Princes 69 - Har-Mar Megastars37

Youth and speed mean a lot in this sport...but so does the experience to sit on opponents, find the right line, and whip the audience into a frenzy. Congratulations to the Princes!

Princes
16 Lead jams
69 Points

41 Lizzy the Axe (5-7) 30 pts
91 Suzie Smashbox (3-5) 15 pts
FU Scootaloo (2-4) 9 pts
00 Glam Slam (2-2) 8 pts
4x4 Rumblebee (2-3) 4 pts
789 Lydia Punch (0-1) 2 pts
1111 Sparkle Ninja (2-4) 1 pt
6 Trixie Whipsum (0-1) 0 pts

Har-Mar Megastars
10 Lead jams
37 Points

850cc Moto Fluzzi (3-6) 17 pts
727 Hurtrude Stein (3-7) 9 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force (2-5) 4 pts
14 GoGo Galore (0-1) 3 pts
281 Patently Offensive (1-3) 1 pt
0054 Freeze Baby (1-1) 1 pt
711 Ova Achieva (0-2) 1 pt
10-72 ShivaShankin (0-1) 1 pt

MNRG silences NRG Tornado Sirens in final jam, 111-95

Naptown - Indianapolis, Indiana - sent fourteen of their finest players on a twelve-hour bus ride to Saint Paul and nearly went home with an upset victory against the Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars. Naptown came to the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium on a seven-game winning streak following their excellent showing at the 2010 North Central regional tournament in Green Bay. After a slow start, Naptown adapted to Minnesota's diverse jamming lineup and came within one jam of upending Minnesota's standing as #2 in the region.

Minnesota took a knee just before regulation play began, creating a "broken pack" opportunity that sent the jammers hurtling off the line immediately. Scarmen Hellectra took the first lead jam and scored three unanswered points. Minnesota tried again with a broken pack in the following jam, but Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch flew through their defense for the lead. However, the fast-moving Juke Boxx came from behind to pace Willa and suck her back into the pack; Willa called the jam. Minnesota then landed three more straight lead jams for fifteen more points, but the pace of Naptown kept Minnesota from pulling ahead too quickly. Nonetheless, Minnesota shut out Naptown for the opening minutes, 18-0.

Naptown's Willa Hoeflinch got the team's second lead jam as Ima Hurchu held up Minnesota's Harmony Killerbruise long enough for her jammer to score four. Blue Messiah then stole one point from MNRG's lead-jamming L'exi-Cuter, but got nailed with a back-block penalty as L'exi called the jam. MEDUSA converted the power jam for ten.

Naptown then went on a streak of four lead jams as their blockers began to form up just in front of Minnesota jammers with no-pack formations as each jam started. Though the formation worked to keep back MNRG jammers for precious seconds, Naptown jammers had limited success in getting far enough ahead of Minnesota to score. In fact, Minnesota stole points from those Naptown leads, outscoring them 14-6 as MNRG began to adapt and score lead jams again. 44-11 Minnesota up, with eight minutes to play in the half.

Blue Messiah took to the jammer line against Scarmen Hellectra. Naptown set a phalanx just ahead of the pivot line, giving space for their own jammer to fly through...and Scar's attempt to crack the wall resulted in a major back block. Blue flashed past the remaining pack for the lead as her blockers sliced apart the Minnesota defense. Naptown forced the pack to a stop; Blue scored 14. That jam effectively doubled Naptown's score as Minnesota panicked and sent several players to the box in their attempt to down opponents. Naptown's Willa scored four more points the following jam.

Minnesota called a timeout to regroup, but Naptown took advantage of their opponent's small packs and Shadi Layne's precision blocking to bring the game to within ten at the half. HALFTIME 46-36, Minnesota ahead...but Naptown had outscored the MNRG 25-2 in the final minutes of the half.

Play restarted with MNRG's L'exi-Cuter jamming against Amooze-Booche. Booche took advantage of a pack destruction call on Minnesota's Vuedoo Prodigy to take the half's first lead, but blew it after scoring three by ramming into Jax Kvaas from behind. L'exi and MEDUSA took five points each on the resulting power jam opportunity. Willa responded with her fifth straight lead jam as her team escorted opposing jammer Juke Boxx off the track, but Willa could only muster a single point against Minnesota. MNRG 56 - NRG 40.

Minnesota grabbed the next two jams for five points, but Naptown's Asian Sinsation dropped L'exi-Cuter to the inside just as Sin's jammer began her lapping pass. Naptown scored three in the confusion. However, Minnesota then began to inch ahead over the next eight minutes by catching five more straight lead jams and outscoring Naptown 19-2.

Minnesota and Naptown matched one another in speed, making it difficult for Minnesota's jammers to find an opportunity to shut down Naptown. Still, Minnesota had command of the track, whether through Juke Boxx's inspired apex jump of all four Naptown defenders, or Vuedoo and Tiki Torture's pounding of Amooze Booche while MEDUSA scored nine. With fifteen minutes left on the clock, the MNRG were up 80-45.

Suddenly, Minnesota fell prey to Naptown's blockers. Over the next two jams, both Scarmen Hellectra and Harmony Killerbruise slammed into well-positioned NRG defensive formations from behind. With two drawn power jams early on each jam clock, Maiden America and Willa Hoeflinch scored an aggregate 23 unanswered points--bringing Naptown within twelve.

MNRG's MEDUSA responded by landing a 3-0 jam, but then Minnesota lost its head. Maiden America scored nine on a Naptown Minivan (5-on-2 power jam against a back-blocking Scarmen Hellectra), then Maiden went to the box at the end of the jam. L'exi scored only two against a sprint-quick Naptown pack before a misjudged double track cut sent her out for a minute. Maiden scored another ten. Amooze Booche scored the tying jam with three minutes left to play, 92-92. Minnesota's loss of focus almost cost them the game.

With two minutes to go, Minnesota sent MEDUSA to the jam line against Maiden America. MEDUSA picked her way through a light Naptown pack for the lead while the MNRG's Tiki Torture and Diamond Rough monstered Maiden into a track cut. Naptown tried to dump MEDUSA, but were only sent to the penalty box for their trouble. MEDUSA scored ten, but a late back-block call by the refs as the end-of-jam whistle blew sent her to the penalty box. Minnesota called a timeout, up 102-92 with 22 seconds remaining.

With MEDUSA in the box for a minute and Maiden America ready to run wild, Minnesota put Killaman Jaro, Harmony, and L'exi-Cuter in the pack to keep pace with Maiden (and Naptown blockers Cereal Killer and Asian Sinsation--the short NRG pack for the final jam). Naptown started in a blaze with a broken pack, firing Maiden off the line as the jam began. However, Minnesota's cadre of jammer/blockers waterfalled expertly, re-engaging with the Naptown jammer as she attempted to blow by. L'exi-Cuter held the last line of defense, and kept Maiden in the pack for almost the full minute of power jam.

Maiden at last emerged past L'exi and took the lead just as MEDUSA slithered from the box. Ima Hurchu almost forced a track cut on MEDUSA as the Minnesota jammer made her initial pass, but 'DUSA dropped to her knees and re-engaged the pack safely. L'exi sealed the game for Minnesota as she forced an inside major track cut on Maiden in the final seconds of the jam.

We asked Cooch about her decision to put speedsters in for the final jam. She told us, "I wanted 3 jammers out there. At that point I wanted people for their straight-up speed and ability to get through the pack if they needed to. All of them are very consistent blockers and I was confident that they could get to the front and maintain that position while keeping the jammer behind them. And luckily, they executed it very well,"

FINAL: MNRG 111 - NRG 95

Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars
20 Lead Jams
111 points

13 MEDUSA (8-11) 53 pts
187 L'exi-Cuter (6-11) 24 pts
28 Scarmen Hellectra (3-7) 21 pts
75 Harmony Killerbruise (2-8) 10 pts
A18 Juke Boxx (1-3) 3 pts

Naptown Tornado Sirens
20 Lead Jams
95 points

76 Maiden America (6-11) 40 pts
318 Willa Hoeflinch (6-7) 21 pts
N3 Blue Messiah (2-5) 18 pts
7 Dora the Destroyer (3-6) 8 pts
208 Amooze Booche (3-11) 8 pts

Minnesota All-Stars v Naptown Tornado Sirens preview (DNN version)

The Minnesota RollerGirls end their home season this Saturday as they host Indianapolis' Naptown Tornado Sirens on the polished concrete of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.

The stage for this bout was set in September when both Minnesota (#2 in the NC, ranked #14 by DNN) and Naptown (#6 in the NC, ranked #24 by DNN) shattered expectations at the 2010 NC Regional tournament. The MNRG jumped from 7th-seed to 2nd place by upsetting Detroit and Madison, while Naptown's finest battled past Arch Rival and Brewcity to earn 6th place. North Central's two surprises had already planned a bout for April - the first between the two in their history - but the upsets have added spice to the anticipation of their players and fans.

Both teams are running winning streaks that will be defended on Saturday. Minnesota is 7-0 when defending on Saint Paul soil (dating back to their Brawl of America victory against Grand Raggidy), while Naptown is 7-0 since 2010's NC Regionals.

Naptown's been playing mostly against mid-ranked North Central teams since the tournament. They most recently defeated the Brewcity Bruisers (#8 in the NC) by seventeen points. Meanwhile, Minnesota's three home stands since the new year have been against Madison (#3 NC, #18 DNN), Tucson (#9 W), and DC (#9 E), defeating each team by over a hundred points.

The rankings favor Minnesota, but there's good reason to cheer on Naptown. Maiden America, Willa Hoeflinch, and Dora the Destroyer came out of the North Central tournament with a lot of new fans for their unflinching jamming abilities. Amooze Booche is back from injury and putting up some pretty fine jams as well. Minnesota's path out of the pack will be guarded by veteran Naptown blockers, including founding member Sweet C and Ima Hurchu...with Cereal Killer up front.

As for Minnesota, we'll see L'exi-Cuter (7-7, 57 points v DC), Harmony Killerbruise (8-10, 42 points v Madison), and recent transfer MEDUSA (4-5, 72 points v Madison) all lacing up. However, Minnesota uses about eight jammer/blockers in a single bout as they look for the right match against the opposing team. Therefore, you'll just as likely see those three playing fast-paced defense as you will see them on the jammer line. The defense specialists also look good; Tiki Torture, Vuedoo Prodigy, and co-captain Coochie Coup will all be hunting down Tornado Siren jammers.

This bout will give us a snapshot of two strong North Central teams as we head towards the Midwest Brewhaha and the second quarter of WFTDA rankings. Minnesota will want a convincing win as they defend their #2 spot against a touring Detroit, while a Naptown victory would upend the state of Midwestern derby yet again.

For those a mountain range away, the bout's free-per-view can be seen (and commented about) at http://tv.mnrollergirls.com/ beginning at 7pm CDT. Naptown will hit the track at or shortly after 8:15 CDT.

The blue-hued Babes run through the Paulas in the season’s first of three mixer bouts.

With the competition for the Golden Skate trophy decided, the players of the MNRG took their team colors off…and replaced them with flannel and blue for last Saturday’s mixer between the “Paula Bunyans” and the “Babes”. Those not directly involved in the All-Star game against the Tucson Saddletramps played their first of three mixer bouts in this fantastic homage to our friends in Northern Minnesota.

Here’s how that bout went down.

First half:

The Introduction of the Paula Bunyans:  Well, if you’re going to honor the spirit of the legend of Paul Bunyan, you might as well pick your mascot well. The Twin Cities Terrors’ own man-beast, the Killsbury Doughboy, leads a pack of women in cutoffs and plaid flannel onto the track of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium. The Paulas are being captained tonight by Rumblebee and Scootaloo.

The Introduction of the Babes: After the Paulas’ boutfits, the Babes are something of a letdown. They’ve all got sky-blue shirts with the ad-hoc team’s logo (as well as Manny Shovitz of the TC Terrors as their cowbell-ringing mascot). At least, that looked like all. Speaking with co-captain Lizzy the Axe before the bout, I learned that the t-shirts were bought by the players sight unseen with Smurf-tastic names developed by “Lizzy the Ox”. The announcers are calling the players by their Ox names - Betty LaOx, Sintripetal Ox, Ox-ie Rotten - I wonder how long they’ll be able to keep the naming scheme without giggling. Ova Ox-chieva is co-captaining with Lizzy.

The Countdown: I’m not precisely sure how we got polar explorer Ann Bancroft to count down to the start of our mixer bout (I suspect it’s due to her foundation being this year’s charity that we’ve chosen to sponsor) but it’s an honor to have her begin our February bout in style. She appears to be wearing some sort of jersey as well.

...and we’re off! AND A BABE POWER JAM ALREADY. Lizzy the Ox busts past Madame de Stompadour to get the first lead of the game. The Paulas’ jammer Lydia Punch goes to the box after getting messed with by the Babes’ Shiva in the back. Stompy also heads to the Gram’s Kitchen for a minute, and Lizzy scores ten quick points.

19:00 Babes 10 - Paulas 0: The Babes’ other co-captain Ova Ox-chieva gets nine as her teammate Wonder-Ox (you’ll excuse me if I revert back to their normal names for the remainder of the bout) holds back Lydia Punch as the Paula returns from the penalty box.

16:30 Babes 19 - Paulas 0: In a nice bit of blocking artistry, Icepack kept Ova from scoring more in that last jam by matching her stride for stride and sitting on her for about half a lap.

16:00 Babes 19 - Paulas 0: Nice. Lizzy the Axe jams against Scootaloo and takes the fourth straight lead for the Babes. The jammer rotation in blue has untangled themselves from the pack nicely so far, but Scootaloo still sneaks in for four points before Lizzy can call the jam

14:00 Babes 23 - Paulas 4: There was a little discussion between the refs and the Paulas about who should be in the box. Unfortunately, that screwed up the lineup and the Paula Bunyans are playing a blocker short.

13:30: Babes 23 - Paulas 4: That loss of a blocker probably fed this BABE POWER JAM! Ova gets the fifth lead in a row for the Babes as Cookies n’ Scream gets sent to the box. Ova gets bounced off the track by Lydia Punch, comes back in to score five, and calls off the jam before Cookies can re-emerge from the box. All in a jam’s work.

12:00: Babes 28 - Paulas 4: That might have been a miscalculation. Cookie sprints out of the box as the next jam begins and gets the lead. Flora Flipabitch escorts Cookies through the pack for four. Trippy (SIntripetal Force) steals two before the jam is called.

10:00: Babes 30 - Paulas 8:  Madame de Stompadour looks like she’s going to get the lead as she passes turn 4, beating Lizzy the Axe to the front, then WHAM. Babe (and Rockit) rookie Salvador Brawlie gets under Stompy’s center of gravity and drops a calculated low-block to hold off the Paula. Salvador happily goes to the box for that professional-looking penalty, and Lizzy scores three.

9:00: Babes 33 - Paulas 8: Rumblebee walks through a pack short of Babes - there’s been no lack of blockers going to the box - and gets the lead. She scores two, but sneaky Ova steals one point.

8:30: Babes 34 - Paulas 10: The Paulas have only gotten two lead jams this half thus far and neither lead kept the Babes from scoring. That could spell trouble. It’s very difficult for a team to succeed if they don’t deny the opposing jammers.

8:00: Babes 34 - Paulas 10: BABE POWER JAM #3! Paula jammer Lydia Punch gets sent to the box for a major track cut, and Patently Offensive springs into action. With Glam Slam making space, “Leo” scores fifteen unanswered points. Lydia stands at the end of the jam as the whistle blows and head backs to the bench.

OFFICIAL TIMEOUT AND ANOTHER BABE POWER JAM! Oh dear. Lydia apparently left the box too early (you have to serve your entire minute in the box, so you can’t leave even a few seconds before your time is up), and is being sent back to serve another minute of penalty. Paulas will go jammer-less when the game resumes.

4:00: Babes 54 - Paulas 10: Lizzy just scored five points and called the jam, stranding Lydia in the box to start yet another jam. Ova gets the lead after getting stalked through the pack by Skullateral Damage. When Lydia returns to the track, the Babes’ Wonderbroad delays her for most of the jam. Neither player scores; great work in terms of blocking from both teams.

2:00 Babes 54 - Paulas 10: BABE PJ #5? This time, it’s Freeze Baby for the Paulas that get caught on a back block. Sintripetal speeds through the front of the pack, and the Paulas try to accelerate so that she can’t come back around. Nothing doing; Glam Slam moves up the pack and knocks CleoSPLATra out of the advancing Paula phalanx. That forces the Paulas to slow down, and Trippy scores nine.

HALFTIME: Babes 63 - Paulas 10: Right now, it’s simple mathematics. This half had twelve jams. That’s about five minutes of the clock taken up by players coming on and off the track. Of the remaining fifteen minutes, the Paula jammers spent another five minutes in the box. It’s hard to score when you’re only eligible to put up points for half of the jam.  That said, both teams are working like it was still the home team season to stop opposing jammers. The Babes are just a little bit better thus far. They’ve also taken full advantage of the power jams. 53 of the Babes’ 63 points in the first half have been scored while a Paula jammer was entering, within, or exiting the penalty box.

Second half:

We’re back! Babes 63 - Paulas 10: Hurtrude Stein leads off for the Paulas. It’s ‘Trudy’s second jam of the game; she nabs her first lead. However, it’s opposing jammer Ova Achieva that scores a point amidst the chaos on the track.

19:00: Babes 64 - Paulas 10: That’s more like it. Freeze gets the lead for the Paulas, careens around the track, gets around the Babes’ Shiva Shank’n’, and scores four unanswered points. That’s the first time that the Paulas have scored unanswered points on a lead jam.

17:30: Babes 64 - Paulas 14: Madame de Stompadour misses grabbing the lead against Lizzy the Axe for a second time by inches. This time, it’s Betty LaRude that cuts into Stompy’s forward advance. That’s five straight lead jams for Lizzy, but only scores one due to Hurtude Stein’s stopping her on the lapping pass.

15:00: Babes 66 - Paulas 14: PAULA POWER JAM! After another one-point jam by the Babes, Kit Shinkicker comes to the line for the Paulas against long-time MNRG pivot Pain Gretzky. Pain knocks her down just as she was about to leave the pack, but Kit recovers and takes the lead. Seconds later, Pain Gretzky goes to the box, and Kit streaks past the pack for five. Shiva Shank’n drops her to the floor on the second lapping run, but Kit gets back up AGAIN and finishes a second lapping run.

12:30: Babes 66 - Paulas 24: That’s the first multislam and first power jam for the Paulas all game. Kit had a couple of good jams earlier this season; hope to see more in the next couple of months.

12:00: Babes 66 - Paulas 24: Lizzy the Axe gets her sixth lead jam of the bout, but almost gets toppled as Ann E Briated, toppled by a Babe hit, grabs for Lizzy’s legs as she falls on Turn 4. Lizzy gets well ahead of that and scores two. Freeze Baby steals four for the Paulas.

11:00: Babes 68 - Paulas 28: Skullateral Damage is playing some sweet, smart All-Star derby in the midst of the mixer. Babe jammer Barbie Brawl grabs the lead, but Skully shoots in front of her and sucks her right back into the pack as Hurtrude Stein charges ahead for the Paulas. Barbie’s forced to call the jam.

8:00: Babes 71 - Paulas 30: AND BABE POWER JAM #6: Well, crap. The Paula Bunyans seemed like they might have a little bit of a comeback, but the Babes just took another power jam. Lizzy goes 7-for-7 on lead jams and takes three points before calling off the jam and stranding opposing jammer Cookies n’ Scream in the box.

7:00: Babes 74 - Paulas 30: Yup. This seems to be the go-ahead for the Babes. Sintripetal Force gets another lead and scores five as Babe blocker Bully Jean gives her jammer an assist. That’s five lead jams in a row for the women with crazy ox-names plastered on their back.

5:00: Babes 79 - Paulas 30: Hurtrude Stein breaks that lead jammer streak as she busts past the Babes (including an imposing Shiva Shank’n as opposing jammer) and scores three. Shiva nonetheless nabs four as well.

1:00: Babes 88 - Paulas 37: The late hunt for points continues. Rumblebee snared the lead and four points against Patently Offensive. With almost fifty point separating the two teams, the jammers are playing like it was a five-point game. Shiva scores two, and Freeze - only a stride or two behind - scores one.

PAULA TIMEOUT. The Paulas demand one more jam and stop the clock with seconds left to go. Looks like it’s Hurtrude Stein getting the honors for the Paulas, while Salvador Brawlie puts on the jammer star.

Seconds to go: Babes 90 - Paulas 38: It’s Trudy with the last lead, weaving in and out of danger while Brawlie absorbs a hard hit from Paula blocker Smoka Hontas.

FINAL: Babes 90 - Paulas 43.

The Paulas had a much better second half as they got the jammer penalties under control, but the Babes’ use of a concentrated jammer staff may have made the difference in this bout. Ova and Lizzy appear to have selected four strong scoring threats to build their offense around, then went to others as the game went more in their favor. 

The Paula blocker group had a very powerful core. Skullateral Damage, Icepack, Hurtrude Stein, and Scootaloo in particular all came up big for the women in flannel. However, that run of five power jams in the first half couldn’t be overcome. Next month, we’ll be seeing the Hunters taking on the Hipsters. It’s Embarrass, MN vs Northeast Minneapolis, people…be there.

Babes
90 Points
19 Lead Jams
6 Power jams

41 Lizzy the Axe (7-7) 28 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force (4-5) 20 pts
281 Patently Offensive (3-5) 20 pts
711 Ova Achieva (3-5)16 pts
10-72 Shiva Shank’n (1-2) 6 pts
OO7 Barbie Brawl (1-1) 0 pts
1337 Pain Gretzky (0-1) 0 pts
5:00 Salvador Brawlie (0-1) 0 pts

Paula Bunyans
43 Points
8 Lead jams
1 Power jam

44 Kit Shinkicker (1-1) 10 pts
0054 Freeze Baby (1-4) 9 pts
727 Hurtrude Stein (3-5) 8 pts
4x4 Rumblebee (2-4) 8 pts
525 Cookies n’ Scream (1-4) 4 pts
FU Scootaloo (0-1) 4 pts
789 Lydia Punch (0-5) 0 pts
1764 Madame de Stompadour (0-2) 0 pts
18 Anita Spankston (0-1) 0 pts

Reporting from the exact geographical center of roller derby,
-Garrison Killer

MNRG All-Stars bust up Tucson, 161-52

The Saddletramps gave an early scare to the MNRG All-Stars by capturing the first two jams, but Minnesota soon powered through to put up a commanding sixty-point lead by halftime. Led by a consistent blocking staff and three standout jammers, the MNRG won by over a hundred points with not a single power jam to assist them.

The MNRG began their All-Star stand at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium by hosting the Tucson Saddletramps this past Saturday. The Tramps come from the of the US’ fast-growing flat track community. They’re ranked ninth in the powerful western region of the WFTDA and were known in 2010 for good fundamentals, strong blocking at the front…and a few problems with getting into foul trouble.

The MNRG might have been a little surprised, then, when no Saddletramp jammer went to the box over the sixty minutes of play. This meant that Minnesota had to score every point while an opposing jammer competed on the track. Further, Tucson blockers Sunni Sideup, Kosma Nauti, and Pixie Axe fought the Minnesota threat through every inch of the pack…not just at the top. Minnesota - fresh off their decisive defeat of Madison’s Dairyland Dolls - were ready for the challenge.

Tucson took the first two lead jams. Tramp jammer Bianka Trohl took advantage of Helen Wheels and Pixie Axe’s delay tactics on Minnesota’s Scarmen Hellectra and scored the first two points of the game. However, neither Bianka (nor Sami Automatic in the following jam) could call it off before the MNRG jammer lapped a Saddletramp for a point. MEDUSA - the MNRG’s lead scorer from last week’s Madison bout at the Xcel Energy Center - flew next from the line, used the clear outside lane of Turn 1 and 2 to accelerate past the entire pack, and took Minnesota’s first lead. Bianka Trohl attempted to follow her, but the MNRG’s Jax Kvaas threw herself into Trohl’s way and held back the Tucson jammer long enough for MEDUSA to score four. Minnesota went ahead, 7-4.

Sami Automatic shot back with a two-point jam, but Harmony Killerbruise skated the same outside line used by ‘DUSA to knock four past the Tramps. Tucson’s brutal rear blocker Pixie Axe put on the jammer star and scored four against Minnesota’s L’exi-Cuter. MEDUSA grabbed her second lead jam and got two points, but her gentle call of the jam under the Roy’s lower lights meant that the refs could not see her signal until after opposing jammer Myna stole two points.

18-year-old Lindsey Loblow took the next lead as Pinky McLovin’ frustrated L’exi-Cuter’s pace for crucial seconds.  However, L’exi recovered and broke the pack while Minnesota’s blockers accelerated. Tucson struggled throughout the game to block at Minnesota’s top speed, and it was no different here. By keeping Lindsey’s own blockers between Minnesota’s defense and the Tucson jammer, Lindsey had to pick her way through her own pack to score three points. Meanwhile, L’exi caught up and scored three as well. MNRG 16 - Tucson 15.

Up until this point, Tucson had been holding its own. Organized blocking on the straightaways had held the MNRG long enough to allow blockers Bea Hayve and Pixie Axe to knock Minnesota jammers off the track.  However, Minnesota began to find the chinks in the Tramps’ blocking strategy. L’exi-Cuter used the outside lane to take her first lead jam of the game and score nine. MEDUSA used her blocking staff’s goating of a Tucson blocker to grab four points on a 20-foot violation. Though Myna N Possession and Bianka Trohl each got four points in the last fifteen minutes of the first half, the Tramps couldn’t break through the MNRG fast enough to score regularly. The Minnesota defense owned the track.

That defense earned the MNRG All-Stars a gorgeous jam late in the first half. MEDUSA took the lead off of a 4-3 pack advantage and lapped the Tramps four times while Tara Skatesov, Diamond Rough, Scarmen Hellectra and Tiki Torture took turns recycling Ferocious Oxide. Fast jamming and stunning jammer management kept Minnesota ahead as the halftime whistle blew. 83-23.

Play resumed and Minnesota took the first four leads of the second half. Coochie Coup pasted a last Saddletramp blocker to give Psycho a clear lane. Vuedoo Prodigy guarded the top of the apex, anticipating Lindsey Loblow’s escape on a path to glory. Showcase blocks were everywhere. The MNRG thought they had Tucson where they wanted them.

Or maybe not. Myna N Possession scored an unpowered thirteen points* while her teammates Sunni Sideup, Pinky McLovin’, and Kosma Nauti mobbed Harmony Killerbruise. In one jam, Myna erased the run-up of points that the MNRG had made in the previous five minutes. MNRG up 97-36 with twenty-three minutes left to go.

That would be Tucson’s last lead jam and last score for the next fifteen minutes. Minnesota’s jammers kept finding an opening, exploiting it, scoring a handful of points, and calling off the jam…each in a minute or less. Minnesota seemed more concerned about controlling the jam clock and putting a few unanswered points on the board each jam than actually stopping the Tucson jammer for a long period. The MNRG scored thirteen jams in a row without allowing the other team a single point.

The fast-jam, “hit-it-and-quit-it” tactic is incredibly effective. Controlling the clock will almost always net a team points as long as they don’t let the other team score. What’s more, a rapid fire run of jams strands opposing blockers in the box for multiple jams (a player’s penalty timer only runs while a jam is in progress, after all). The quick succession of jams stranded Kosma Nauti and Pixie Axe in the box for a good portion of the second period; Kosma was in and out of the box over the course of seven jams without ever returning to the bench. Finally, rapid-fire jams eat up the clock. There’s thirty seconds of clock time lost at the end of every jam. It’s far safer when you are ahead to simply call off a jam and let no one score for those thirty seconds while the packs rotate in and out. The MNRG milked almost seven minutes off the clock through hit-it-and-quit-it tactics this period. Minnesota took a commanding lead of 149-36.

Sami Automatic started Tucson scoring again by stealing a point from a L’exi-Cuter lead jam, but Myna N Possession gave the Saddletramps their final two scoring runs. With four jams left in the half, MEDUSA became the first jammer in the entire game to go to the penalty box, called on a back-blocking major. Myna started the power jam’s lapping run, only to be gored by Tara Skatesov so hard that she had to call off her jam so she could catch her breath. However, Myna returned three jams later and scored another thirteen points for her Saddletramps to close the Tramps’ game out.

Final score: 161-52

Box scores:

MNRG All-Stars
161 Points
31 Lead Jams
0 Power jams

13 MEDUSA (10-11) 59 pts
187 L’exi-Cuter (8-10) 44 pts
75 Harmony Killerbruise (7-12) 32 pts
109 Psycho Novia (5-9) 21 pts
28 Scarmen Hellextra (1-2) 5 pts

Tucson Saddletramps
52 Points
13 Lead jams
2 Power jams

18 Myna N. Possession (4-11) 34 pts
11 Bianka Trohl (3-9) 6 pts
22 Sami Automatic (4-12) 5 pts
33 Pixie Axe (1-2) 4 pts
5 Lindsey Loblow (1-7) 3 pts
26 Ferocious Oxide (0-3) 0 pts

* unpowered scoring: When one scores a large number of points in a single jam, it is often due to a ‘power jam,’ where the opposing jammer goes to the penalty box and the scoring team can devote its entire energy to getting their jammer through. An ‘unpowered score’ denotes a team whose blockers can both hold back the opposing jammer while at the same time create space for their own jammer to break through the pack.

Call it a Comeback: Rockits Retake Championship, 76-61

The perennial contenders of the MNRG intraleague get the gang back together (with some brand new faces) and pull off an upset against the newly-dangerous Dagger Dolls.

Garda Belts Bust Bombshells for Third Place, 76-74

After forty minutes of the smartest blocking ever executed by the women in green, the Garda Belts held off the Atomic Bombshells' potent jamming offensive and won a hard-fought battle for MNRG's third-place title.

Preview for Dead of Winter

It's said that the third week in January is the single-most depressing week in the year. Certainly true in Minnesota. The cold is mighty. The sun is nowhere to be seen. Everyone's sick. We all know there's a long, horrid slog to spring. Life sucks.

The Minnesota RollerGirls are ready to help you hold off the blues this Saturday. We return to the Roy Wilkins Auditorium...and it's time for the big dance. The undefeated Dagger Dolls have only to win one more before they complete their transformation from last year's cellar dwellers to MNRG champions. Between them and the Golden Skate stands the Rockits, ready to rush to the front and crush the Dolls beneath their wheels.

Meanwhile, the Atomic Bombshells and the Garda Belts will also be in play as they attempt to escape last place. The Bombshells and Gardas will be playing for third and for bragging rights as they enter the next part of the season.

We saw both matchups at November's bout...but we are not likely to see either play out in the same way. Let's get you ready for Saturday. Here's what you should know.

Third-place match: the Atomic Bombshells vs the Garda Belts

In November, the Bombshells defeated the Gardas 77-43. The key to that 34-point victory was that the women in orange largely kept the Garda blockers away from their jammers. Bombshells took lead jam by a margin of almost two-to-one. When the four principal Bombshell jammers didn't get the lead, they got to the front quickly enough that Garda scorers could only lap the pack once before being forced to call off the jam.

The blocker lineup for both teams is very similar. Only Chinese Takeout and Madame de Stompadour will be missing from the Bombshell lineup since the previous bout. No new Garda blockers are believed to be out of the picture. Now, the Garda jammers are another matter. Suzie Smashbox will not be skating. In the sort of freak accident that has plagued the Garda Belts for years, Suzie tried to help at a New Year's road accident and got hurt herself.

The new element for the Gardas is the arrival of MEDUSA (yes, that's how it's written) to the MNRG.  The veteran North Star Roller Girl got drafted by the Gardas at the end of last year. Perhaps not a moment too soon; she's one of the upper Midwest's most agile jammers, so it's likely that MEDUSA will likely step into Suzie's position as a principal jammer, sharing that role with Cassie Rolle, Moto Fluzzi, and Sintripetal Force.

However, Garda captains Anita Spankston and Citizen Pain might decide to bring her into the pack to extend their defensive threat.  That'd place another experienced blocker into the mix alongside established green thugs like Shiva Shank'n, Citizen, Anita, and Rumblebee. Against the Atomic Bombshells scoring linuep, the Gardas must play defensively and work to keep them from breaking through the pack.

Mind, you it'll be difficult for the Gardas to match the Bombshell's pack. The top four blockers of the November match in terms of stopping opposing jammers were all Bombshells. Diamond Rough, Tara Skatesov, Skullateral Damage, and L'exi-cuter executed superbly, and the Bombshell pack overall allowed only Suzie Smashbox to score more than two lead jams in the November bout. With a similar ABS pack in play for the third-place bout, the Gardas should be planning how to get past the Bombshells. They'll particularly need to work out taking down Skully, Tara, and Diamond, each of whom play every other jam.

The Championship: Dagger Dolls vs the Rockits.

We saw this matchup as well in November. The Dolls won that one and gave the Rockits the worst pasting that the Red Menace has gotten for years (87-43). It's time for the rematch.

The Dagger Dolls' November win came largely from inspired defensive play (how else do you keep the Rockits scoring less than 50?) mixed in with a solid handful of Dolly jammers who can keep on scoring. They then went and held the Atomic Bombshells to seven points in the first half of their December match. The Dolls come into Saturday's bout after playing in a full sixty-minute tune-up match against Juke Boxx's former Mad Rollin' Dolls hometeam last weekend. They took on and defeated Madison's Vaudeville Vixens by almost a hundred points. Every Dagger Doll feels ready to hold the Golden Skate high.

But so are the Rockits. After their 44-point loss, the Rockits defeated the Gardas by over one hundred points...and then headed north to take on Fargo/Morehead's travel team the following week. Whupped them 211-17. One other important note before we get into it; the Rockits have also gained two more players since that November bout. The first is Vuedoo Prodigy, the 2010 MNRG overall MVP. Vue was out with an ankle injury incurred at the WFTDA Championship tournament, so the Rockits were short one monster rear defender. The other? Last year's #1 lead scorer, Harmony Killerbruise. Harmony had just moved back from the West Coast after a six-month stint with the 2009 WFTDA champion Oly Rollers. She wasn't yet eligible to play. It's January, and both are ready to hit the track on Saturday.

Their presence will be good for this match. For a team to succeed at the level of MNRG's championship, you need several players all skating at the top of their game to win, not just a singular talent.

The Dolls have a defensive bench that is filled with players familiar with the sport and who have played at flat-track derby's high levels. The Rockits were short some of those players in November with the loss of Abbie Mischief to injury as well as Vuedoo, and their play suffered.  The most veteran players don't just hit the opposing team; they create anchors that less-experienced teammates can coalesce around in the pack and work from. They're - for a lack of a better word - glue that knits the pack into a cohesive unit each jam.

In the case of Vue and Harmony, their entrance into the championship bout strengthens their side and solidifies each jam. There's more experience every time the team lines up. It also gives the Rockits more options. With Harmony's arrival, a blocker able to jam (such as Scarmen Hellectra or Killahertz) can comfortably work as a defender without being worried that their team can't score enough to win. With Vue once again ready to defend the rear aside Honeydew Felon, the Rockits can return more mature players to the front of the pack where they can delay the onslaught of Dolly jammers.

Here's the problem: the Dolls are extraordinary this year. Years of Candi Pain (Dagger Doll captain for many years) drafting towards fast players has given the Dolls a bit of a speed advantage at the jammer line. Co-captain Psycho Novia and Killaman Jaro scream forward into the pack as Dolly scorers, and new transfers Angelfire and Juke Boxx are every bit their equal.

The Rockits must find ways to stop their sprints to the front. One of the Rockits' likely courses of action is to run woman-on-woman defense against the Dolly rear blockers.  The idea would be to stop the players that assist their jammers. However, the Dolly pack seems so strong that any two or three of the blockers might be able to take that position.

The Rockit jammers aren't precisely pushovers either. Scarmen Hellectra took the lead over 70% of the time she wore the jammer star against the Dolls. Commander Nix and Frau Scientits weren't far behind in this regard. Add Harmony in as another primary jammer, and the Rockit scoring could look as brutally businesslike as in years past on Saturday.

However, you must give the Dolls the nod as favorites for Saturday's bout.  They've scored almost 40% of all points between the four teams this season. The blocker leaderboards glow pink with veteran Dagger Doll danger. They've been so good at keeping opposing jammers from scoring by working together that the excellence of one players bleeds into another's play. On one leaderboard, you have to get past nine Dagger Dolls before you get to a player from a different team. Whether it's Shiver Me Kimbers, Norah Torious, or Olga Oglethorpe, the excellence just goes on. Finally, it's worth noting Juke, Naughty Kitty, and Tiki Torture's ability to send opponents out of bounds and to the back of the pack. They kill jammer sprints and destroy defensive formations when they pull this stunt, and they use it constantly. Best of all? They're having fun doing it.

So. A great third-place match. A championship bout that could go either way. We want you there to see either the Dolls or the Rockits raise the Golden Skate on Saturday. Access to floor-level ticket is drying up quickly, but you should be able to buy seats for the balcony at the Roy box office on game day. If you do so, bring a children's book for a discount. We're collecting for the Minnesota Reading Corps, and you'll get $2 off the price of admission.

As for the afterparty? We're going to O'Gara's for hob-nobbin', PBR, and karaoke...and an awful lot of celebrating. See you there.