Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Princes reign over Har-Mar Megastars, 69-37

With the curtain on the Minnesota RollerGirls' seventh season, our league decided to put together a special final mixer for the year. We separated our league by experience, placing those who had skated four or more years as a derby player on the Princes (named after the Twin Cities' own Purple One), and then pit them against those who had joined a roller league for the first time in the past three years. The "young'uns" played as the Har-Mar Megastars. Here's how it went.

Introduction of the Princes: The Princes rush the track in a sea of lace, purple, and silver (strangely, no players from the Orange Period) Relatively few mustaches as well. Disappointing. However, both Seamonster (bench-coaching for the Princes) and the TC Terrors' Drewraffe (as a ridiculously tall version of Paisley Park's chief resident) come out in wigs and suits that were pretty much tailored from Purple Awesome.

Introduction of the Har-Mar Megastars: If you've ever seen Har-Mar, you can guess the style. More than one player are wearing briefs in their hometeam colors over tights and t-shirt. Ova Achieva has achieved her name's potential with a full cloak made from the American flag, suspenders, and gold trimmings...but really, no one's exactly being subtle in their choice of boutfits. Har-Mar, we learn, sends his regards for his namesake team...sadly, he has a previous engagement.

20 minutes (first half): MEGASTAR POWER JAM. The Princes' Lizzy the Axe goes to the box within seconds for a track cut, but the H-M's Hurtrude Stein can't find her way past Barbie Brawl and the purple defense! Trudy calls the jam with Lizzy still in the box.

18 minutes: Moto Fluzzi finds a path around the opposition for the Megastars with a whip by Skullateral Damage and grabs the first point as Lizzy emerges out of the box.

Princes 0 - Megastars 1

17 minutes: Sintripetal Force - fellow Megastar and Garda Belt with Moto - takes two unanswered points as well. Very low-scoring game thus far.

16 minutes: Suzie Smashbox wears the jammer star for the Princes and grabs their first lead...and the Megastar defense heads to the front of the pack. Suzie can only score one point before opposing jammer Patently Offensive can start lapping. Suzie calls it.

Princes 1 - Megastars 3

14 minutes: Nothing like a nine-point jam unassisted by a penalty box visit. Lizzy chops through the pack as Prince defenders Barbie Brawl and Pain Gretzky hole up Hurtrude Stein. Lizzy laps once before Trudy can break out; Lizzy goes for the second lap, but misjudges the call of the jam. Trudy sneaks into the pack just before the call and steals three.

Princes 10 - Megastars 6

9 minutes: The play's been very clean up to this point. Mixers can get very chaotic due to the lack of team cohesion, but the merging of players by rookie classes seems to be counteracting the big mistakes. The Princes score two more four-point jams. Lizzy's having another of her great games; she dumps Sintripetal Force to give her jammer a chance to take the lead and score one of those 4-point go-aheads.

Princes 18 - Megastars 6

7 minutes: Patently Offensive gets the Megastars back on the board. "Leo" gets the lead against Suzie Smashbox. Both jammers bust out of the pack, but the pack speeds up with Leo's team just ahead of the Princes. Leo sneaks inside a corner to score one and calls it. Trudy catches the Prince defense off-guard on a 20-foot violation to score a 2-0 in the next jam.

Princes 18 - Megastars 9

6 minutes: Lizzy's everywhere tonight. Back to the jammer line, she outskates Moto Fluzzi and drops another nine-point jam on the Har-Mar Megastars. 

Princes 27 - Megastars 9

4 minutes: Hey, is that #1111? Sparkle Ninja puts on the jammer star and takes the outside path on turn four to take the lead and gets her first point for the season. For the most part, the Megastars have been just a step or two behind the Prince jammers...but that step has meant that the Megastars are not yet out of single digits.

Princes 28 - Megastars 9

2 minutes: Scootaloo gets her second lead jam of the night, whisking past the pathon the outside lane. Her stride forces the Megastars to come after her outside of the engagement zone as she laps. The Megastar defense turns back, and Scoots calls the jam for four.

Princes 32 - Megastars 9

Last jam (first half): Princes blocker Olga Ogilthorpe pistons Trudy to the outside of turn 3 as opposing jammer Suzie Smashbox flies through the inside. Trudy recovers quickly, but Suzie still scores two. That's halftime, folks. The Megastars cannot gain enough traction to take the lead jam. A lot of that is due to a terrifying lineup of veteran blockers that are allowing the Megastar jammers to ride the outside line of the turns...and then re-engaging them as the jammer hits the straightaway.

HALFTIME: 34 - 9

20 minutes (second half): It's Lizzy right back to the front for the lead, despite an awesome shopping-cart shove by Skullateral Damage of Megastar teammate Madame de Stompadour into Lizzy the Axe. Stompy barely misses, and Lizzy scores 2 to Megastar jammer Ova Achieva's one.

Princes 36 - Megastars 10

16 minutes: Megastar blockers Skullateral Damage, Shiva Shank'n, and Shiver Me Kimbers are all pitching in to hold back the Prince jammers, but their efforts continue to come up a little short. The Megastars need just a bit longer to get through the pack, and they're having problems scoring more than a point or two. Glam Slam gets another four points for the Princes, but her pack is starting to look a little light in terms of players to the box. Could be trouble.

Princes 40 - Megastars 11

15 minutes: MEGASTAR POWER JAM. Yup. That's trouble. Lydia Punch goes to the box for a back block, and opposing jammer Moto Fluzzi tries to make up for lost time. The Princes start going for the big hits and get called out on penalties. In fact, the Princes lose enough to get the derby fans raising their fists and peace signs...it's a 5-on-2 Minivan! However, the Megastars can't stop the pack quickly enough to give a Moto a chance to lap a standstill pack. Nonetheless, Moto scores nine points to two for Lydia.

Princes 42 - Megastars 20

12 minutes: After another 3-1 Lizzy the Axe jam, Ova Achieva slaloms through the pack, only to run into Scootaloo - the tiniest oak in the forest. Bee comes skidding in behind and gets the lead for another four points. 

Princes 49 - Megastars 21

10 minutes: DIRTY POOL, KIMBERS. Shiver Me Kimbers is providing some massive hits tonight, but it would appear that the mighty Megastar has just pulled Norah Torious to the ground by her belt while the refs weren't looking. She's getting the Derby 4 All Big Hitter award for the Megastars, but she could have just as easily gotten the Seventh Sojourn Dirty Player award.

8 minutes: STAR PASS! Holy crap.  Glam Slam ably gets the lead jam, laps in, then passes the star to pivot Suzie Smashbox. Suzie spins up and goes to take another lap. However...the rules of the star pass negate the lead jam, so Suzie can't stop Moto Fluzzi from scoring seven points of her own.

Princes 61 - Megastars 29

6 minutes: As this game winds to an inevitable close, you have to look at the MNRG rookie jammers for a second. We saw rookie Commander Nix bring back the Golden Skate to her Rockits before she headed to Africa for a few months. However, the other five rookies that have been principally jamming in the past couple of months (Kit Shinkicker, Moto Fluzzi, Sintripetal Force,  Hurtrude Stein, and Freeze Baby) have really come into their own during the mixers. I'm looking forward to seeing what these six are going to bring to their teams next year.

4 minutes: Lizzy. Again with the lead jam. Again with the point score. Again with the...did she just leapfrog Suzie Smashbox on the straightaway? The vets are really pulling out the crowd-pleasers tonight.

2 minutes: Hold it. Ova's down; our EMT staff have rushed to her side, and it appears she's fine. GAME ON.

Last jam of the game: Sparkle Ninja v Moto Fluzzi. Moto gets the lead, but it's Ninja that gets the cheers as she takes a leg whip to propel her out of the pack. Nice final touch from the winning team.

FINAL: Princes 69 - Har-Mar Megastars37

Youth and speed mean a lot in this sport...but so does the experience to sit on opponents, find the right line, and whip the audience into a frenzy. Congratulations to the Princes!

16 Lead jams
69 Points

41 Lizzy the Axe (5-7) 30 pts
91 Suzie Smashbox (3-5) 15 pts
FU Scootaloo (2-4) 9 pts
00 Glam Slam (2-2) 8 pts
4x4 Rumblebee (2-3) 4 pts
789 Lydia Punch (0-1) 2 pts
1111 Sparkle Ninja (2-4) 1 pt
6 Trixie Whipsum (0-1) 0 pts

Har-Mar Megastars
10 Lead jams
37 Points

850cc Moto Fluzzi (3-6) 17 pts
727 Hurtrude Stein (3-7) 9 pts
1.618 Sintripetal Force (2-5) 4 pts
14 GoGo Galore (0-1) 3 pts
281 Patently Offensive (1-3) 1 pt
0054 Freeze Baby (1-1) 1 pt
711 Ova Achieva (0-2) 1 pt
10-72 ShivaShankin (0-1) 1 pt

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