Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hammer Gets Nailed; MNRG 195, Hammer City 46

Hammer Gets Nailed; MNRG 195, Hammer City 46

The MNRG all-stars treated their fans to an hour-long highlight reel on Saturday night.  Minnesota's finest took to the track and placed the The Hammer City 'Eh! Team' between an unrelenting jammer staff and an irrepressible defense that laid seige to most of the Canadiennes' scorers. On a night that could yet spawn countless youtube videos, Minnesota defeated Hammer City by a point margin of 149 points.

Despite the remarkable differential, Hammer City made every MNRG fan's heart race just a little bit as they took the first two jams and six points against a Minnesota team slow to respond against an unknown threat.  HCRG's Carla Coma overcame a strong challenge from Tiki Torture on the initial pass for two before calling off the jam.  Carla's teammate Vicadoom grabbed the next lead and four after besting MNRG pivot Venus Thightrap at the far edge of the front straightaway.

Harmony Killerbruise then blasted past against HCRG's Cut Off.  Beginning a lead jam streak that would stretch over ten minutes, Killerbruise blasted through that Eh! Team pack for a clinical four points.  Psycho Novia claimed another four as Carla Coma became acquainted with Jax Kvaas and the Minnesota pack.  Minnesota took the lead, 9-6 with five minutes gone.

After Suzie Smashbox withstood a brutal incision from Hawkeye Fierce and scored two, L'exi Cuter stepped to the line against Cut Off. It's hard to say whether the young Minnesotan actually looked up at the scoreboard and said, "Double it," under her breath...but that's what she did, and more besides. As Hammer City split their attention between L'exi and attempting to break an impregnable MNRG pack locked around Cut Off (who eventually was sent out on a penalty), L'exi Cuter took advantage and scored fourteen points on the power jam. Harmony used the remaining time unopposed to score five in the following jam. 30-6.

Psycho Novia continued that run with a remarkable, straight-up triple slam against Hammer City's Mean Little Mama, and Suzie took another four while Vuedoo Prodigy ran interference against Eh! Team's pivot Bitchslap Barbie.  Minnesota up 49-6.  With fifteen to play in the half and a 43-point advantage, Hammer City was clearly having problems both holding back the Minnesota offense as well as recovering rapidly from the takedowns it received.  Minnesota's veteran staff used both of these facts to their scoring advantage, knocking down players so that the jammers could speed past to take quick, riskless points.

HCRG's Vicadoom stopped the bleeding with three points for Hammer City as L'exi got caught up by Dicey.  Cut Off led the next jam, but Harmony Killerbruise snuck through the pack for four unanswered points as Cut Off skated behind the pack, futilely looking for a line through.  Psycho Novia followed Harmony's example as she scored four to Carla Coma's lead jam for one.  L'exi returned with another double slam, and suddenly the point advantage was over fifty; Minnesota 67-10 with eight remaining. 

Things became no more comfortable for Hammer City.  Over the last four jams of the half, Hammer City scored only one more point as Carla Coma and Cut Off both found themselves behind a grim wall of MNRG blockers.  Whether the booty-blocks from Scarmen Hellectra, Tiki's aggressive hunting, or Venus Thightrap's control of the front, Hammer City spent the bulk of their time just getting their jammer through the pack. Does anyone doubt the power of a good defensive pack? Suzie Smashbox - with five minutes remaining in the half - used that blocking advantage to score nineteen points - a near-quadruple jam without the benefit of lead or power jam.  At the half, Minnesota had taken a nigh-insurmountable lead, 94-11.

Harmony Killerbruise and Carla Coma returned from halftime and took to the line.  Carla Coma grabbed the lead and a fast two points with Harmony hot on her heels before calling the jam.  Psycho Novia returned fire with a four-point, low-to-the-ground jam while Citizen Pain and Misfit Maiden took care of her opponent Vicadoom.  It's worth noting that Misfit was having the time of her life attempting to psyche out Hammer City; whenever she started the pack as back blocker, she just turned around, stared like a dead woman at the opposing jammer, and smiled like she wanted her spleen...and then shot forward into the pack on the first whistle.  98-13 Minnesota.

With only three minutes gone in the second half, Suzie Smashbox scored Minnesota's fifth double-digit jam against Hammer City.  Those sorts of numbers are extremely difficult to come back from...and the Eh! Team's troubles worsened as Vicadoom tangled with Diamond Rough.  After getting her clock cleaned by a rough ride to the outside, Vicadoom was sent to the penalty box on a back block - and Harmony just accelerated.  QUADRUPLE SLAM - 20 points. 136-13.

Hammer City got two on the next jam as Cut Off took the lead.  The Eh! Team got a second lead as Carla Coma jammed against Tiki Torture (normally a back blocker), but without scoring.  L'exi responded with four, and Harmony scored ten more off by watching the pack from afar for openings as she approached...as well as two Diamond-assisted whips.  Fifteen to go, Minnesota 150-18, with Harmony scoring thirty in the previous two jams. 

The rest of the game continued in much the same way; Hammer City would gain a lead (often Carla Coma, who confounded the Minnesota pack with speed and an ability to turn on a dime), but the opposing Minnesota jammer would soon beat the Canadian pack and limit Hammer City to 2-4 points.  The Eh! Team could not find a way to stop or delay a Minnesota jammer.  In fact, Hammer City only lapped a jammer once in fifty-eight jame, early in the first half.  Individuals of the HCRG pack - Suffrette, Dicey, Hawkeye Fierce - all found ways to stick MNRG, but the MNRG would then clear the way to get the player through.  Just as Hammer City scored their first jam of more than four points, time expired on the clock and the teams exchanged handslaps and respect as the Roy crowd cheered.  Final score 195-46. 

The Minnesota RollerGirls' next bout will be against Sioux Falls at the Roy on December 19th.  See you there!

Your bonus stats (provided by MNRG statistics...preliminary numbers):

75 Harmony Killerbruise   7-9, 63 pts
91 Suzie Smashbox        3-6, 39 pts
187 L'exi Cuter                4-9, 38 pts
109 Psycho Novia            3-6, 29 pts
55 Venus Thightrap         1-1, 8 pts
25 Honeydew Felon         0-2, 8 pts
313 Misfit Maiden            0-2, 7 pts
H8U Tiki Torture              1-2, 3 pts

621 Carla Coma              7-13, 24 pts
420 Vicadoom                6-12, 12 pts
706 Cut Off                     2-11, 10 pts
0 Mean Little Mama         0-1, 0 pts

(3-6 means 'three lead jams of six' - special thanks to Our Man Flip for these quick stats!)

Pizza Luce player of the game: Diamond Rough

1 comment:

Reverend Killjoy said...

Thanks for the writeup, sir. I saw the score, of course, and had been waiting to hear specifics on how it all went down. Rest assured that I'm still loving me some MNRG all the way out here in Kalamazoo.