Season Seven begins with fifteen new faces.

At an undisclosed location on Thursday, August 19th, the MNRG welcomed fifteen new players to the ranks of their home teams.  Of those fifteen, five came from other leagues (the Mad Rollin' Dolls of Madison, Minneapolis' own North Star Roller Girls, and Angel City in Los Angeles), nine players new to our sport from recruitment, and one from our own team of refs.  In addition, we recruited two new referees and a new announcer.

Because of the new season schedule, these fifteen rookies will have much to learn about their respective teams in a very short time.  Rookies have not traditionally played for their home team before January, but this year they will play in two months on October 16th.  Watch for these players, derby fans.

The Atomic Bombshells welcome to their ranks:

Hurtrude Stein

Bully Jean

Freeze Baby

Smoka Hontas (formerly of Angel City)

The Rockits welcome to their ranks:

Commander Nix

Salvador Brawlie

Kit Shinkicker

The Dagger Dolls welcome to their ranks:

Juke Boxx (#1 draft pick, formerly of Mad Rollin' Dolls)

Naughty Kitty (formerly of the North Star Roller Girls)

The Garda Belts welcome to their ranks:

Dropkick Donna (formerly of the MNRG referees)

Sintripetal Force

Wolf Bite

Betty LaRude (formerly of the North Star Roller Girls)

Shiva Shankn (formerly of the North Star Roller Girls)

Moto Fluzzi

The referees welcome to their ranks:

Winona Collider

Ro Hoe

Watch also for Kodiak and Head Shot, our new announcer and photographer, in amidst the crowd at the Roy.

We have even more developments in the team lineups for season seven.  We announced several returns in May, and it is our pleasure to announce more.  If you've been a fan since the beginning...well, you're going to love this news.

The Garda Belts welcome to their ranks:

Glam Slam (formerly a ref, formerly of the Atomic Bombshells)

Ann E Briated (retired in season five)

The Atomic Bombshells welcome to their ranks:

Lizzy the Axe (former Bombshell and Garda Belt)

Flora Flipabitch (whose retirement lasted only slightly longer than that Favre fella)

The Atomic Bombshells also welcome as their new bench coach:

Rocky Whorer (former head ref of the MNRG)

Please welcome with us the class of 2010!

That's the news.  More to come.

Some words with Ump: the North Central Referee Clinic (August 8th)

“We’re running basically every officiating position out there.” Umpire Strikes Back tells me.  Fifteen refs assembled on the Roy Wilkins auditorium floor circle two scrimmaging packs of Minnesota RollerGirl and North Star Roller Girl players.  With his dyed yellow hair peeking out from a painstakingly-detailed Death Star derby helmet, Ump looks like any child’s favorite cool uncle.  More importantly to us, Umpire Strikes Back (#1138) is the Minnesota RollerGirls head referee.  The buck, such that it is, stops with Ump.  And he does it with a bit of an infectous grin. He loves this sport.  

From behind that grin, you can see a touch of fatigue.  It’s Day 2 of the North Central regional clinic on a hot August day, and it’s clear that every ref here - caravaning from every corner of the region - has been soaking in each minute of time spent together.  All that focus makes them look more tired than the players, and those players are playing five of every six jams to give the refs a chance to work together.  Whistles pierce the air, jammer refs compare notes on how to hold up the points their jammer has just scored, and players - half in jest - point out how many penalties the player opposite them has accrued as each jam begins.

Ump walks me through the referee positions; outside boundary refs skating relay to keep pace with the pack’s movement, whiteboard operators collating penalties from every direction, penalty box refs and positional refs and wranglers and jammer refs inside of the track.  As he speaks, he points out that there are quite a few people that hear this list and wonder if there’s too many referees.  Ump suggests that perhaps that there are too few.

It’s an interesting proposition to make.  The first instinct of a lot of fans is, “let the players play!” Ump opines that when a good game is reffed well, the referees simply disappear into the pace of the game.  It’s when the refs are uncertain that the game stops cold and that everyone gets unhappy.  When one considers the speed of our sport, the level of danger that the players face at those speeds, and how hard the derby nation has worked to resurrect roller derby into a living, breathing, athletic activity, the focus on rules starts making a bit of sense.  Calling a game down the middle takes more than a rulebook.  For tournament-level play, it takes a cadre of elite skaters with their heads in the game.  

As we speak, we watch the dance of the packs and wince at the screech of toestops. Here's part of that conversation.

Why is this clinic necessary?
Ump: One of the challenges of the WFTDA (the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, our umbrella organization) is consistency; consistency in all the different leagues across the country.  Different leagues travel at different times, different places.  You more frequently encounter some leagues than others.  You have the East Coast, West Coast, and all that, and they’ve all got their different styles that will emerge if they’re left to their own devices. 

So the goal - like centralized and standard rules - is to have consistent officiating. The same bout should be called the same way whether you’re in Boston or LA or Nevada or wherever.  Consistency, consistency, consistency...that’s the watchword of the clinics.  Not just [here] but we’re doing one per region around the country.  

What did you cover before the scrimmages?

Ump: A lot of today was about positioning and what are the best angles to see the action from.  Also, what skating skills translate to what we do as referees.  For instance, why are turnaround toestops so important?  (he demonstrates, skating past me, turning abruptly and skidding to a stop on his toe like he had hit a wall.)  And that’s because it allows you to come to a stop as quickly as the pack.  It’s the fastest way to stop.  It’s the least amount of space to stop.

You just have to have the balance to use it?

Ump: Yes.  And being able to transition into that turn at speed.

Will there be anyone who will be travelling to other clinics?

Ump: There’s overlap between the clinics. (Motioning to the inside referees) Reverend Riot is doing this, but he’ll be at Long Island.  Others will be in Seattle or Memphis.

With the Big 5 (four regions and national) tournaments coming up, we wanted to make sure that if you’re going to be officiating at a tournament, you could come to a clinic beforehand to make sure you’re on the same page as everybody else.  And if you believe you’re already at the highest levels?  There are still those nuanced differences.  If you are that great, then you can help instruct.

I took a show of hands yesterday and - you know, we’ve got some of the best refs here already - I asked, you know, “Who’s learned something today?” and everybody raised their hand.

Going to do this again next year?

Ump: There will be continuing clinics.  We organized and hosted this; I, personally, didn’t throw this, but WFTDA will keep going with the clinics.

So why this year at the Roy?

Ump: Well, they put a call out for hosts. It was very short timeline from when the WFTDA board of directors approved and kind of directed the referees to put this on.  We hosted the very first North Central tournament, and [so] we hosted the first North Central referee clinic.  I wanted to do it for that reason, and the league did as well to continue to be a leader in the region.  

I also wanted as many of my refs to be in this as possible, and I figured that the best way to do that was to host.

Thank you.

-Garrison Killer, 

reporting for the Minnesota RollerGirls

MNRG go 2-0 in Philly

The Minnesota RollerGirls returned to competitive play this past weekend at the East Coast Derby Extravaganza in Philadelphia, PA.  The ECDX has been a major gathering point for sanctioned bouts between leagues of all skill levels over the past few years.  

The Extravaganza is a time for old friends and derby wives to reconnect and close a few bars together, but the ECDX’s position in the derby calendar also makes it one of the very last stops before ranking occurs for WFTDA’s Q3 rankings.  The 3rd quarter ranking (decided upon by other WFTDA skaters) decides the seeding of leagues for the four regional tournaments, so the outcomes of the ECDX bouts have a great influence on who’s in and who’s out.  It’s the last chance for teams to show off before voting, in no small part due due to the Derby News Network’ whistle-to-whistle coverage.  It’s the summer’s biggest stage in the roller derby community as thousands of players and fans watch from Philly or from across the Internet.

The selection of teams was luck of the draw this year with preference given to the East Coast leagues, so we were very pleased to make it in.  The ECDX’s organizers do their best to make challenging bouts out of the leagues that are selected - and so Minnesota (who is currently ranked 7th in our North Central region) got placed against 7th-ranked (South Central) Tampa Bay and 7th-ranked (East) Providence.

We brought a team of twenty to Philly.  Notable in their absence were Suzie Smashbox and Harmony Killerbruise.  Suzie has been recovering from a broken hand, while Harmony has been playing for WFTDA’s National champions - the Oly Rollers of Olympia, WA.   Joining our All-Stars in their first sanctioned bouts were Anita Spankston (co-captain of the Garda Belts) and Skullateral Damage, second-year blocker for the Atomic Bombshells.  

MNRG v Tampa Bay

“We have 34 seconds before we resume this heart attack”.
-Hambone, DNN text commentator

Florida’s derby community is complicated; the state is littered with dormant road leagues up and down the coasts where players regularly jump from one league to another.  The life of some leagues has been measured in months, not seasons.  However, the 700-pound monster of all Florida derby - the league that has remained - is Tampa Bay.  We played Tampa Bay in 2005 in their very first interleague bout, but the now-7th-ranked Tampa Bay Derby Darlins were quite the match for our All-Stars, using a pack-heavy strategy very similar to our own and fast, fast jammers.  

This bout whipped back and forth as our players traded lead jams.  We had only a few problems getting our jammers through the pack, but delaying their scorers long enough for us to take the lead proved to be a challenge. Our defensive blocking could not gel properly through the first half.  However, we took advantage of their jammers going to the box to keep the points coming, using speed changes to catch our opponents when they dawdled on the track.  We gained and lost the lead throughout the half, going up by only one at the half (53-52).

In the second half, we began to fade out.  Tampa Bay adjusted well to our play over halftime, and we started to make mistakes that landed our our blockers in the penalty box.  With fewer blockers, our pack shifted to a fully offensive stance - getting our jammers through so that the opposing lead jammer would only be able to make a single pass.  Still, Tampa Bay jammers kept taking the lead.  They got ahead of us in scoring and would not be denied.  With twelve to go in the game, Tampa was up by twenty.

We began to come back, inching in with rapid-fire three-  and five-point jams...but each time we put a decent score on the board, the refs found a reason to send our players to the penalty box - often on illegal hits.  Down twenty-two with four to go in the game, MNRG All-Star Venus Thightrap took to the jammer line against Tampa Bay’s fantastic Lunch Lady.  They started racing with the second whistle, but both Venus and LL were sent to the penalty box within moments of one another just as the jam was called prematurely due to junk on the track.  

Both players started from the box as a new jam began, attacking the pack as it circled back around...but while Venus went through for the lead jam, Lunch Lady’s advance was broken on every turn by Tiki Torture, Citizen Pain, and Misfit Maiden.  They levelled, they flattened, they dumped...and then recycled to the back of the pack to do it again.  Lunch Lady could not move forward.  Venus picked up 15 unanswered points without a power jam to bring the game within seven. L’exi-Cuter completed the comeback as - once again - the MNRG pack broke Tampa Bay’s jammer’s (Little A) advance in the final moments of the game.  L’exi passed the pack on scoring runs once, twice, and called off the jam as MNRG fans rose to their feet across the world.  Nine points scored in the final jam of regulation.  Final score: MNRG 98 - Tampa 96.  Venus’ and L’exi’s final scoring runs came just at the right time, but so did the MNRG All-Star defense, stuffing two phenomenal opposing jammers for a full four minutes.  

Frau Scientits (assistant bench coach at the ECDX bouts) wrote a bit more to me regarding that game, and I’d like to share this final note on the bout:
“L’exi skated the entire second half of the Tampa bout with 3 minors.  Every time she went to the jam line I’d turn to [Coach] Dan to reclarify that.  He always responded with a shrug and a “Yup, that’s ok.”  Dan knows what he’s talking about!”

MNRG v Providence

“...and for some reason, one of the Prov blockers felt compelled to slow down the pack to a standstill by hitting [Coochie Coup] out and stopping.  Well, I was just coming up to the pack, and most of the Prov blockers didn't see me and the ones that did tried to chase but there was no pack.  It was just a riot coming into this brilliant accidental situation and just flying through most of the blockers as they were standing still.”
-Scarmen Hellectra, on her final 19-point jam.

Hardcore fans of the MNRG All-Stars may remember our last bout against Providence in the final day of the 2008 Eastern Regionals in Madison.  Providence had just missed the cut, but a last-minute pullout allowed Prov’s Rhode Island Riveters to take the lowest seed in the tournament.  We met Providence following a frustrating set of defeats at the hands of Madison and Cincinnati. The All-Stars took every lesson that we had learned from the losses and beat them solidly 143-16.

We would have liked that sort of blowout this year.  Like Tampa Bay, Providence is ranked seventh, but in the East, a strong region where highly-ranked leagues like Philly and Gotham improve their skills by frequently play sanctioned bouts against one another.  A win against Providence would show that our strategies could go toe-to-toe with those of the best in the nation...yet the last time we were on the national stage, we placed ninth in the North Central Regionals.  The tables were turned from 2008 and we were considered underdogs by many.

Scarmen Hellectra writes:
“I was worried about [Providence jammer] Craisy Dukes because she left quite an impression on me from Eastern Regionals '08, she was their standout.  I felt our pack shut her down pretty well.  I was pretty frustrated jamming in this game.  Their recycling (or "waterfalling", if you will) was pretty insane; they were great at hitting our jammers out and getting right back in to do it again.  They had some pretty intense back wall action that was really effective at taking away a jammer's speed.  I was feeling pretty useless toward the middle of that game because I was getting stuck in the back.  I felt it got better once I realized that trying to deke was not as effective as just going into the pack as fast as possible.  Also, Providence seemed to be less prepared when their jammer came in second (they couldn't...open [and] close to let their jammer through and shut out the opposing jammer) so I totally changed up the way I like to enter the pack and it actually worked pretty well.  A note on that 19 point jam I had [at the end of the bout] - I didn't know it was that many points until after the game when I caught up on tweets, ha!  I thought it was like 10 points or something... that's how it felt.”

In essence, we had two gears in the first half; ‘overwhelming’ and ‘stuck in the penalty box’.  We frequently had the number of our rivals, outpacing and outskating them.  Our jammers from Psycho Novia to Juke Boxx to Scarmen Hellectra were putting up grand slams and double slams.  Our pack - filled with our usual assortment of amazing rear defenders and frontside wallers - choked our opponents out 10 jams to six by the end of the first half.  At intermission, the score was 71-51 with MNRG in control.

The flip side of this picture was that we fell apart whenever our jammer went to the box.  At least 40 of the 51 points scored by Providence were taken off of a power jam opportunity.  Looking at DNN’s archives, it’s difficult to work out exactly what happened - except that Providence played smartly, made hay from their opportunities, and trapped our rear defenders to form a pack well more than twenty feet behind our front walls whenever they got an unopposed jam.  With the pack so far behind, our players could not engage the jammer.  Also, our penalties all seemed to fall within moments of one another. A jammer would go to the box, followed by two or three blockers.  Suddenly, the track would be almost bare of our All-Stars.

The second half moved much more evenly.  As our player wrote above, the Providence pack had remarkable aptitude in creating a back line, but only so long as the Minnesota jammer let them be held back with rear blocking. The game came to a head with four minutes left.  Providence had gotten close - within eight (MNRG 112 - 104), but Scarmen lined up against Providence’s Jetta von Diesel, bust through that pack, and started sprinting.  Now, Scar committed a minor so that she couldn’t take the lead, but Jetta track-cut her way to a major and got sent to the box for her troubles.  Scarmen accelerated and rampaged her way to a nineteen-point jam (5-4-5-5), missing out on a quadruple slam by inches.  131-104.

Jetta began the next jam from the box, but quickly burst through for the lead as Venus Thightrap (playing as blocker) got sent to the box, while jammer Vuedoo Prodigy got her fourth minor penalty.  In this case, Minnesota would want to increase the speed of the pack and keep blocking out the jammer at a high velocity - it’s a lot easier to hit a moving opponent when you’re moving as well.  However, the veteran Providence pack trapped one of our players and screeched to a halt.  Misfit Maiden (in her final appearance as a MNRG All-Star) tried her best to smoke the jammer dead in her skates.  However, she could only hit illegally and was sent to join her teammates in the box.  With only Killahertz still on the track, Jetta scored twenty-two points in that final jam before Vuedoo re-emerged onto the track.  Had Vue been released any later, Jetta may have made up the difference.  A basic skill of a derby player is to be able to lap the track five times under a minute; Jetta could have easily dropped another five points into the jam at the paste-slow speed that Providence was moving on the track.

But as the dust cleared, time had expired and that final jam was simply not enough.  Our early dominance of the Providence pack meant that the MNRG took the victory (131-126) and headed for the pool to party where they joined with the North Stars of Minneapolis (who also went 2-0 at the ECDX).  There are stories of abused flotation devices, but we could not get corroborating evidence in time for this report.

The MNRG All-Stars will now begin sharpening their skills for Regionals in Green Bay.  Their next bout will be against the ascending stars of the Lone Star State...the Dallas Derby Devils,.  We will have more details regarding this matchup soon - keep watching this space.

Season Seven begins now.

It's time for the Season Seven news.  Let's begin with the retirements.  The following players will be stepping back next season (we call it 'going Class C'):

Atomic Bombshells:

- Flora Flipabitch

- Mae Gusta

- Misfit Maiden

- Shady O'Dread

Dagger Dolls:

- Buffy the Vampire Skater

- Miss Fire

- Shiv and Let Die

- Sweet Justice

Garda Belts:

- Little Tornado

- Rolls Wilder

Rockits:

- Dudezilla

Referees:

- Rocky Whorer

- Glam Slam

But we've got a few players who will be rejoining from years past.  Soylent Mean returns to her beloved Rockits, while savvy track veteran CleoSPLATra will don the orange and green for the Atomic Bombshells.

But there's more, MNRG fans!  We have another transfer from out of our league to announce:  in addition to the Garda Belts' excellent import from Jet City (Beth Anne Destruction), we are happy to tell you that jammer/pivot Juke Boxx has joined us from the Dairyland Dolls of Madison, WI.  

We last saw Juke Boxx at the Brawl of America as she and the Double-Ds fought their way to second in North-Central regionals.  Since she joined us after the finals, she will be drafted like any new recruit in August...but in the meantime, Juke has been added to the All-Star team for 2010 regionals in Green Bay.

Speaking of the All-Stars?  Want to see them this summer as they gear up for the push to regionals?  Keep your eyes here for all of the details, but here's the schedule for the next several travel bouts.  Attached to each name is their current WFTDA ranking - by comparison, we are currently ranked 7th in the Northern region:

5/22 Pike's Peak (11th place in the West)
5/23 Fort Collins (closed scrimmage with a new Western team)
6/19 Paper Valley (WFTDA apprentice league)
6/26 East Coast Derby Extravaganza tournament: Tampa (7th place in the South)
6/27 East Coast Derby Extravaganza tournament: Providence (7th place in the East)
8/21 Sacramento (9th in the West)

Whether via Facebook, our Twitter feed (@MNRG), the MNRG news blog http://fourtheskate.blogspot.com, or the MNRG website, you can keep track of all of the news about how our travel team, the MNRG All-Stars, progress through the summer.  

We've got more news.  Your All-Stars already had their very first bout of the 2010 season against a young team from Wisconsin, the La Crosse Skating Sirens.  We defeated them 288-33 and, to our fans that have followed us over the years, that may not be surprising.  The La Crosse team played their hearts out, but they do not yet have the experience to take control of the track like our All-Stars do.  They still were playing woman-to-woman defense...and though their hits were hard, they didn't yet have the ability to bypass the monster packs that our squad builds each and every jam.

What's most fantastic about this result is that we had the opportunity to see some of newest All-Stars have a chance to don our uniforms.  Cassie Rolle, Patently Offensive, Killaman Jaro, Jocelyn D'Jewels, Anita Spankston, and Skullateral Damage - all All-Star rookies - played many, many jams against our friends across the border and helped give us the win.  Congratulations to them all.

Finally...the last news of the night.  New captains and all of the last-minute transfers.  Four players switched colors last week, and we want to give you the official word on it all.  This is running a bit long, we know, so let's leave you with this.  Fans...thank you so much for supporting us this year.  We cannot wait for the new season to begin.

Captains for the 2010-2011 season:

Atomic Bombshells:

Venus Thightrap

Diamond Rough

Dagger Dolls:

Psycho Novia

Wonderbroad

Garda Belts:

Citizen Pain

Anita Spankston

Rockits:

Scarmen Hellectra

Pain Gretzky

Referees:

Umpire Strikes Back

Wernher von Bombed

Transfers:

Patently Offensive transfers from the Dagger Dolls to the Rockits.

Hanna Belle Lector, Angelfire, and Tiki Torture transfer from the Garda Belts to the Dagger Dolls.

See you in October.

-Garrison Killer

The Wheelies

It's Wheelies time! Every year our players, refs, and volunteers travel to an undisclosed location, crack open a PBR (and maybe sneak in a flask or two), and honor the best of our best for two hours of tears, cheers, and fairly awesome dresses. On May 1st we honored the following players:

Fan Awards:
Favorite Jammer - Suzie Smashbox
Favorite Pivot/Blocker - Vuedoo Prodigy
Favorite Rookie - Killaman Jaro
The Lappy - Vuedoo Prodigy

League Awards:
Most Valuable Minnesota RollerGirl - Vuedoo Prodigy
Rookie of the Year - Killaman Jaro
Head Trauma (MNRG founder) Legacy Award - Rumblebee
Most Improved - Cassie Rolle
Hardest Hitter - Vuedoo Prodigy
Speed Demon - L'exi-cuter
Best Attitude - Mitzi Massacre and Citizen Pain (tie)
Purple Heart - BOOMbay Safire
Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking - Abbie Mischief
PBR RollerGirl of Honor - Scootaloo
Most Charitable - Skullateral Damage
The Towelie - Mitzi Massacre
Volunteer Lover - Skullateral Damage
The Golden Supporter (volunteer of the year) - Apron and Garrison Killer (tie)

Team Awards - Atomic Bombshells:
Rookie of the Year - Double D. Fense
Team Spirit - BOOMbay Safire
Team Most Valuable Skater - Diamond Rough


Team Awards - Dagger Dolls:
Rookie of the Year - Killaman Jaro
Team Spirit - Gogo Galore
Team Most Valuable Skater - Shiver Me Kimbers

Team Awards - Garda Belts:
Rookie of the Year - Cassie Rolle
Team Spirit - Anita Spankston
Team Most Valuable Skater - Tiki Torture

Team Awards - Rockits:
Rookie of the Year - Wanda Wreckonwith
Team Spirit - Frau Scientits
Team Most Valuable Skater - Harmony Killerbruise

Team-Created Awards:

Atomic Bombshells' "You make a better window than a door" for cheerful and awesome door opening - Crush with Eyeliner
Dagger Dolls' "The Frank Lloyd Wright* (keeps popping up wherever derby is)" award- Wet Spot
Garda Belts' "The Boner Award" for pointy elbows and shoulders - Abbie Mischief
Rockits' "Octopussy Award" for most likely to give you a hug in the middle of a jam - Tara Skatesov
*The Dagger Dolls, who love fun, were playing Apples to Apples and the Frank Lloyd Wright card kept popping up!

Best Attendence:
Diamond Rough (Atomic Bombshells), Umpire Strikes Back (referee), and Wernher von Bombed (referee) tied for most practices with 66 each.
Dagger Dolls - Ova Achieva with 64
Rockits - Ice Pack with 61
Garda Belts - Anita Spankston with 54

Stats Awards:
Best Jammer - Harmony Killerbruise
Best Blocker - Tiki Torture
Best Pivot - Coochie Coup
Best Assister - Diamond Rough

Referee Awards:
Sugar - n Spice: Tiki Torture
Not so nice: Harmony Killerbruise

FIVE YEARS OF DERBY award:
Buffy the Vampire Skater
CleoSPLATra
E-radicator
Honeydew Felon
Killahertz
Misfit Maiden
Pain Gretzky
Rizzo
Rolls Wilder
Rumblebee
Scarmen Hellectra
Spike
Supersonik!
Trixie Whipsum

Year-end thanks and some final bits (not for publication)

Well, that just about does it.  Another season of writing in the bag.  Some thank-yous are in order:
- To the Stats booth, particularly those who have to sit around me...thank you for constantly feeding me numbers while I sit at the mic, telling our league's story to myself and those who need a better read of the action than the announcers can give.  And thank you for not killing me when I occasionally ZOMG into your ear...
- ...Flip in particular.  The man drops me bout stats a day after the matches.  You've no idea how much easier it is to process information for the recaps or to do some back-of-the-envelope analysis for the previews.
- Hey, Skully!  Thanks for the bout videos.  Absolutely useful.
- To Soylent Mean, who we look forward to seeing lined up in the Rockit pack next year...thanks for your help as gatekeeper of the MNRG website.
- To every player on every team that didn't mind answering a few questions this year...many thanks.  Whether you're a captain, an NSO, a ref, or the rawest rookie in the world, you've made my life much easier.
- Wet Spot, who kept me writing for the Brawl of America.  You sucked me into derby further...couldn't be happier.
- Thank you to everyone who reads the blog version of these posts and took the time to point out errors.  I never quite expected to crowdsource the recaps for consumption by the mothership website, but it's working well.
- Speaking of editing and errors, my wife's best graces have been tested for three years.  She's the final point of editing for the previews and recaps.  Usually points out at least one part of each bout which I've forgotten or got lost in the editing and kicks me until I get it in there.  Thank you, Sherry.
- Finally and foremost...thanks to the women of the MNRG.  We love all of you.  Full stop.
- Psst.  TCTs?  NSRG?  We love you too.


Blog readers, the MNRG fanbase is growing.  We're regularly hitting 4500+ and had two sellouts this year.  Our service to the fans is going to need to grow along with it as we continue to become the pre-eminent women's sporting event in Saint Paul.  I'm going to be spending some time this summer working out how to up my own game.  Those of you who read this tend to be players, staff, and family of the MNRG...what ways do you see that we can better serve our fans?


Best to you all,
-Drew "Garrison Killer" Johnson


P.S. You, the person reading this.  Who are you?  Drop me a line at djohnson.stpaul@gmail.com.  I'd like to have a better idea of who's looking at this.

Gardas outplay Dolls for 3rd, 74-45

The MNRG Garda Belts took the game to the Dagger Dolls on April 3rd in a third-place bout that was rarely in doubt.  The Gardas has long had a strong presence in the pack, but the surprise in this bout was the coming-out party for Cassie Rolle and the resurgence of Angelfire as a jammer after years of injury and rehab.  With both sides of the Garda machine going, the women in green took the lead more than 75% of the time.  The Dolls had their surges of excellence, but the Gardas took the day.


The Garda Belts stole an early march from the opening whistle. Garda co-captain Suzie Smashbox took the first lead after being denied by Doll blocker Shiver Me Kimbers.  She recovered and returned to slash past Kimbers and Buffy the Vampire Skater. Garda blocker Tiki Torture delayed Killamon Jaro long enough for Suzie to score four. Garda rookie Cassie Rolle next took three as Hanna Belle Lector denied Psycho Novia, then Suzie Smashbox scored another four as Tiki cleared Sparkle Ninja from her path. Killamon Jaro stole two before Suzie called the jam. 11-2 Gardas after only four minutes.

Suzie, Cassie, and Garda veteran Angelfire pounded past the Dagger defense for ten more unanswered points in the next three jams.  The quick runs gave the Dolls little chance to protect their own enough to take a lead. However, once the Garda scorer had burst through, the Dolls' attention turned to getting their own jammers through.  This focus kept the Gardas from scoring more than four points at a time. However, Killamon Jaro fell hard amidst a jam and did not seem able to recover her stride.  21-2 Garda Belts.

Psycho Novia pushed through at last with a point for her Dolls on a three-point jam by Suzie Smashbox, but it was Sparkle Ninja who blasted past an illegal hit from Hanna Belle Lector and took the Dolls' first lead jam. Following a brief exchange of jammer penalties, both Ninja and Angelfire scored four. With eight minutes to go in the half, Suzie responded with a big grand slam-plus as her blockers knocked the rookie Doll Patently Offensive into her teammate Wonderbroad. Patently "Leo" almost broke out, but Garda co-captain Citizen Pain corralled her out of bounds, depositing her into the rear of the pack. With Wonderbroad's help, Leo broke the pack and kept Suzie from scoring more. 37-7 Gardas.

Cassie Rolle beat Sinaminn and Lydia Punch by jamming the outside line and accelerated past an attempted blindside from Lydia for four points for the Gardas, but then the Dolls came up big. Attacking Suzie Smashbox, Wonderbroad and Shiver Me Kimbers peeled off Gardas enough to clear the road for Psycho Novia. Psycho knifed through the pack, lapped them for five, and juked past a frustrated Suzie for an additional three points - effectively doubling the Dolly score, 41-15. After a rapid-fire duel between Angelfire (leaping over a teammate's leg for the lead) and Killamon Jaro, Buffy the Vampire Skater scored an unopposed grand slam for the Dolls to close the half from a power jam off of a star-wearing Tiki Torture. With half the game gone, the Gardas had a strong lead of 43-21.

Killamon Jaro and Suzie returned to the jammer line for the first jam of the second half. Jaro, as before, sped a little ahead to engage the pack but got caught in Garda green on the outside. Meanwhile, her teammates Wonderbroad and Shiver Me Kimbers attempted to delay Smashbox long enough for Jaro to loose herself from the pack. No such luck; KJ fell afoul of Citizen Pain's attention, and Suzie scored five. Cassie Rolle and Suzie took the next two leads, but did not score. Neither did Patently Offensive as she gained her team's second lead in the game with Angelfire mere paces behind her. Suzie finally got the scoreboard moving again with four points as she dodged a Doll pack that grew steadily more desperate to take down the Garda jammer. 52-21 Gardas with twelve to go.

The Dolls were running ragged.  The next jam would be the third consecutive one in which the women in pink had two of their blockers cooling their heels in the penalty box...but it didn't appear to matter. Psycho Novia took to the jammer line and broke through the pack with a minor back-blocking violation, so she had no lead. Again, it didn't matter; suddenly, no one could touch #109...Psycho Novia lapped the pack as Wonderbroad waylaid opposing jammer Cassie Rolle for the full two minutes. Thirteen points for Psycho Novia, 52-34.

Suzie responded by taking four back in the next jam. Angelfire pushed the lead out even more by skirting the opposition while Punishmint Patty and Optimiss Crime descended on her opposing jammer. Angelfire flew back around, scored a grand slam and called off the jam. Suzie took her fifth lead of the half as her trailblazer Tiki Torture pushed Sparkle Ninja out of her way, allowing her to score one. 62-34 with six remaining. The Dolls needed a big score soon.

Patently Offensive delivered for her team, scoring a grand slam by leaning through the inside lane while Wonderbroad and Ova Achieva dealt with Cassie Rolle. However, while Killamon Jaro scored two in the next jam as well, it would be their last score until the final jam. After a scoreless jam, Suzie took her twelfth lead of the game (12-for-13 in all) and scored her final slam as Killamon Jaro attempted to take the outside, only to find Tiki Torture waiting. Jaro got hit with a penalty, and Suzie scored five. 


With time for one last jam, Garda Belt coach Seamonster sent fan favorite Rumblebee to the jammer line to play unopposed. She had just gotten halfway through the pack when Sparkle Ninja ambushed the Garda veteran, tackling her from behind. The refs restrained Ninja and sent her to the locker room. The clock was restarted, and with so little time left, the game reached the end of regulation. 


The Gardas appealed the decision, and the fans and Dagger Dolls alike loudly agreed. The refs pulled the clock back to three seconds, and one final jam began for Rumblebee against Patently Offensive for the Dollys. Rumblebee took the lead of that last jam. Both Leo and Rumblebee scored four. Gardas win, 74-45.  


While it is difficult to speculate, Killamon Jaro's early injury probably had a significant effect on the score.  The Dolls played Jaro in heavy rotation during the match, but her speed and agility seemed hampered after those initial couple of jams.  That said, the Gardas played a beautiful game.  They played rather short for this bout, so their reliance on one another's skill increased out of neccessity.  What's more, Angelfire used that win to recement herself in the minds of the fans that she was no 'backup jammer' for the Gardas.  Her pace and command of the track was a far cry from her earlier efforts in the year.  In all, hell of a win for the women in green.


With the season at its end, both the Dollys and Gardas now have their work cut out for them.  In six months, the season begins anew.  What's more, the home season begins in October.  Players and coaches have spoken of this and told this reporter that they feel the season is only half-done.  Season seven - and another shot at the Golden Skate - awaits.  We'll see you there.

GARDA BELTS
91 Suzie Smashbox (12-13) 46 pts
c² Angelfire (4-6) 14 pts
350 Cassie Rolle (5-6) 10 pts
4x4 Rumblebee (1-2) 4 pts
H8U Tiki Torture (0-1) 0 pts

DAGGER DOLLS

109 Psycho Novia (1-9) 22 pts
281 Patently Offensive (2-5) 9 pts
20 Buffy the Vampire Skater (0-2) 6 pts
9 Killaman Jaro     (0-10) 4 pts
1111 Sparkle Ninja (1-2) 4 pts


Reporting from the exact geographical center of roller derby today,
-Garrison Killer